Saturday in Review 11/21/09

Another fine day, including some minor upsets, a bizarre coaching situation, and cupcake games which the #1 and #2 teams in the country should be ashamed of. Plus, bonus coverage of a Bottom 95 game from the orange nightmare that is Neyland Stadium! We go!

Florida International-3, #1 Florida-63 and
Chattanooga-0, #2 Alabama-45

I lumped these games together because neither one is worthy of its own article on this rinky-dink garbage dump of a blog. (Yeah, in your face, SEC!) If you want to skip this section and read some actual reviews, scroll down to the Kansas/Texas game. For those of you who want some bile, continue reading...

The SEC bills itself as the premier football conference in the nation. I do not disagree with that, and I'd take the SEC over any other conference top to bottom. However, this statement is difficult to quantify with empirical evidence. How, you ask? The SEC has the #1 and #2 teams in the nation! They're clearly the best, you say. Well, I will now list some teams. See if you notice a theme:

Charleston Southern, Troy, Florida International, Florida State, Virginia Tech, North Texas, Chattanooga, Washington, Louisiana-Lafayette, Tulane, Louisiana Tech, Memphis, Southeastern Louisiana, UAB, Northern Arizona.

Do you know what that is? That is the list of non-conference games for the 4 currently ranked SEC teams (Florida, Alabama, LSU, and Ole Miss). Know how many of those teams are currently ranked? One: Virginia Tech, which pulls in at an underwhelming 14th. Three (the Hokies, Florida State, and Washington) are from automatic qualifying conferences. Four are 1-AA teams (Charleston Southern, Chattanooga, Southeastern Louisiana, Northern Arizona). My point? The best teams in the best conference are apparently too scared to risk losing a non-conference game.

Yes, the SEC is a difficult place to play week in and week out. Yes, the conference normally does a good job of beating itself up through the year. But still, man, if you market yourselves as an awesome football conference, then you should prove it though the regular season.

This sort of cowardly non-conference schedule is going to kill college football's regular season if we're not careful. Why? Because the other schools are going to figure out that playing pathetic opponents will lead to better records, which will lead to every 1-A team playing a schedule filled with awful non-conference opponents. Isn't that fun? No? Then why do we keep rewarding schools that play these bad schedules. Florida and Texas (a realistic national championship matchup) have played a total of zero non-conference foes from automatic qualifying conferences. Their reward? The right to play for a National Championship. Wow, that makes me wish that Virginia Tech had just scheduled Charleston Southern and Chattanooga instead of Alabama and Nebraska. They'd still be ranked in the Top 10!

I guess I'm done. Florida and Alabama are both good football teams, and both of them are very capable of winning the national title. I just wish they'd try and prove that they play in the best conference during the regular season, rather than during bowl time.

Kansas-20, #3 Texas-51

Texas locks up the Big 12 South, something that they had really locked up when Sam Bradford's shoulder decided to secede from the rest of his body back in September. Texas scored a load of points and Colt McCoy (still one of the best football names ever by the way) looked quite impressive. Mind you, Kansas hasn't won since October 10th, and during their 6 game losing streak they're giving up an average of 35 points during that span...

While I'd love to make fun of Texas for having this game on their schedule, I maintain that I will not make fun of teams for their conferences having pathetic teams. The fact that the majority of the Big 12 is bad this year (see the Kansas State/Nebraska review for more on that) is not Texas's fault. The problem comes into play with Texas's non-conference schedule, which is laughable. That they could have helped.

For Kansas, meanwhile, the drama with their coach continues. I will avoid any in-depth commentary until I get more details, but I will point out that this has "gone on for years" but no one said anything back when Kansas was winning the Orange Bowl in the 2007-8 season. If you have something against a coach, that's fine. Say something about it when it happens, not when things turn south for your team. If you don't have the guts to speak up when your team's doing well, then keep your mouth shut when things turn south.

#4 TCU-45, Wyoming-10

Reviewing TCU scores is excruciatingly boring. After that squeaker against Air Force on October 10th (which I criticized the Horned Frogs for, wrongly apparently), TCU's closest game was last week's 27 point slaughter of Utah. The Horned Frogs have proven that, like the big boys, they can crush inferior competition in their conferences. Now all they have to do is beat a 1-win New Mexico team and they'll head to a BCS bowl. I'm not sure who they'll play, but it will be intriguing to see what TCU's capable of against a team that's even remotely close to their level of talent (no offense, UVa and Clemson...).

Until then, however...I guess we're stuck with one more score like this one next week...

#8 LSU-23, Ole Miss-25

Forgive the pun, but it would appear that LSU was revealed as a paper tiger. Last week, if you'll recall, was the first time I'd noticed just how bad LSU's schedule was. Lo and behold, they play a tough road game, and they lose. Now, I don't know if you're aware of this, but there was a tiny little gaffe near the end of this one. You did? Well, let's take a look at it anyway...

OK, so LSU scored a late touchdown to pull the score to 25-23, messed up the two point conversion, and recovered an onside kick. They got the ball back with 1:17 left on the clock, threw an incompletion, threw a completion, threw an incompletion, then suffered a sack. Time out called with :32 seconds left on the clock. LSU then inexplicably threw a screen and lost 7 yards. Now, first off, you're down on the road with a half minute left and it's 3rd and 19. Why on EARTH are you calling a screen pass?! Who thinks to do that?! (Answer: Les Miles...) Then, if the screen wasn't a clue that we'd already cast logic aside, the clock kept ticking. That idiotic screen took something like 6 seconds to run, then the clock just kept ticking down to 9 seconds before LSU used their final timeout. In the post game conferences, many players and coaches (most specifically the now-embattled Miles) claimed they were calling timeout. Now, I know that this game was nationally broadcast on CBS. One of those deals where on every penalty or timeout or review the ref turns on a microphone and addresses literally millions of people all at once. So you're telling me that for 17 seconds in a close ballgame you and your entire coaching staff weren't paying attention to the refs? That you neither saw him give the signal for timeout, nor did you hear him call timeout didn't register? Jeez.

So now you have 4th and 26. Unpalatable, to say the least. Worse, you have 9 seconds left instead of the 26 or so that you should have if you were paying attention to the friggin' game! But you line up, and you throw a long bomb and...Omigosh! It's caught! There's one second left! Get the field goal unit on the field! Run them out! Go! Go! Gooo--Why is the offense still out there? What are they doing?! Trying to spike the ba---game over.

Now, let's try and look at this logically (yeah, right). I have never, ever, at any level seen a spike ball play run under one second off the clock. Unless Les thought that his team would snap the ball with 1.7 seconds left and stop the clock with .9 seconds left or something like that. Unfortunately, I've never seen that happen either. Time keeping in college football is notoriously sloppy anyway. It generally goes unmentioned, but pay attention to a game sometime. The number of seconds that just sort of disappear during the course of a game is amazing. (Field goals are one area to pay attention to, normally 2 or 3 ticks will disappear even after the ball's through the uprights) To think that somehow the time keeper would save you a fraction of a second in a football game is nothing short of fantasy. Another theory states that LSU might have been trying to catch Ole Miss offsides. Right, because it makes sense to risk the outcome of a game and your chance at a BCS berth on something that you have literally no control over (in this case, Ole Miss's defensive line).

In conclusion, Les Miles makes something on the order of $3,750,000 to coach football. If this was Pop Warner or 1-AA, then this gaffe is just fine. Bad luck, etc. But at this level of football, being paid that amount of money, you cannot allow something this unforgivably dumb to happen.

Oh, and in recent weeks Ole Miss has started to look like a Top 25 team. Pity that they couldn't do that back when it mattered even a tiny amount.

#10 Ohio State-21, Michigan-10

Dear Michigan,

Well, you played well against your big rivals in a game that had some meaning, but not too much. You guys really didn't stand a chance of winning this one, and even if you had pulled the upset, wouldn't it be a slap in the face to the program's tradition to claim that a berth in the Kleenex Brand Tissue Bowl was a victory? You guys have some serious recruiting pull, plus a genuinely evil coach, and that's a recipe for success! (See also: Alabama) This season, though, gave you false hope that you were "back." After wins over Western Michigan, Notre Dame, Eastern Michigan, and Indiana. Seems a bit silly in retrospect, doesn't it? Your only win after that point was a win over a 1-AA school. You guys stay classy, and enjoy the extra practice time in December and January! (NOTE: Don't enjoy it too much. Got you in trouble last time) I think I'll go watch my team (and 67 other teams) go to bowls!

Sincerely,
Bones

PS: Good job, Ohio State. In fairness, other than the rivalry aspect, this game meant literally nothing to you...

#11 Oregon-44, Arizona-41

(Austin was here)

Well, it's hard to deny that a double OT game is interesting, but let's be honest. I was at the Tennessee game when this one happened, and this post is already super long anyway. Let's just say that both sides played well, and we'll move on through the rest of the Top 25 with lightning speed...

Minnesota-0, #13 Iowa-12

If you're ever looking for an interesting rivalry trophy, look no further than the Floyd of Rosedale, the trophy that Iowa and Minnesota vie for annually. Each year these two teams proudly represent their sparsely populated states by hurling their players at one another for a statue of a bronze pig. I just thought you guys would find that interesting.

Oh, and Minnesota's bad this year, and Iowa still had something to play for, hence the fairly predictable score and the utter lack of analysis.

#14 Penn State-42, Michigan State-14

Well, the third best team in the Big 10 smashed the 6th best team in the Big 10. Not that major of an accomplishment, but Penn State is still jockeying for a halfway decent bowl. Both Penn State and Michigan State are bowl eligible, and both of their regular seasons are officially over. Penn State is not too shabby, they just struggle against good teams, which makes them like most of the Big 11. Michigan State, meanwhile, really only has that win against Michigan to cling to. They'll go to some obscure bowl played in mid-December in Des Moines, Iowa.

NC State-10, #15 Virginia Tech-38

The Hokies beat the snot out of the Wolfpack, not that it really mattered for either party. Tech is playing primarily to get into the Gator Bowl rather than the Champs Sports Bowl, and NC State is playing primarily for pride. Really not much to report in on, other than the fact that Virginia Tech is actually pretty bad in the first part of games. This coming week's game against the UVa Slimeballs, er, Cavaliers, is somewhat important. Only because of the rivalry aspect, because Tech is bowl bound and UVa isn't. There we go. Let's move on.

#16 Wisconsin-31, Northwestern-33

Anyone else noticed just how messed up the Big 10 is? Here's an example: Northwestern beat Wisconsin who beat Purdue who beat Ohio State who beat Iowa who beat Penn State who beat Indiana who beat Illinois who beat Michigan who's terrible. That's 9 of the 11 teams in conference, strung together in 15 seconds by a semi-journalist.

This was actually a very good game, and it's good that Northwestern is bowl bound. They're a surprising team, and they might be one of the 2 Big 11 teams that gets a bowl win this year!

Wisconsin, meanwhile, not so much. They do have a cool mascot, however.

#25 California-34, #17 Stanford-28

Speaking of messed up conferences (see above) the Pac-10 is one giant cluster of confusion. Are they good? Bad? Ugly? I nominate number 3. Case in point: This game, featuring a road team that lost its star a few weeks ago and a home team that's coming off of 2 straight massive wins. No sweat for Stanford, right? WRONG!

Cal rolled into town and beat the Cardinal at their own game (specifically, running the football). It was a well-played game by both sides, and one wonders if Cal's star Jahvid Best isn't just a decent running back with a great O-Line. After all, their back-up ran for 193 yards in this game. In fairness, he also got the ball 42 times...

Cal and Stanford are both, of course, bowl bound, and their opponents will have a tough time handling these, the 2 best college teams in California (gosh, it feels so good to type that).

#19 Oregon State-42, Washington State-10

Wazzu is very, very bad. Not much has changed in Pullman since last season.

Oregon State, meanwhile, has taken advantage of some utter bedlam in the Pac-10 to rise to the top. Their game against a much more hyped up Oregon team will determine who gets the Pac-10 berth in the Rose Bowl, and it should make for some entertaining viewing. So...stay tuned, I guess.

Duke-16, #20 Miami-34

Beating Duke is more of an accomplishment this season than it was last season or the several seasons before that. With that said, it's still not much of an accomplishment.

Miami's had sort of a letdown after a good start to the season, but they'll still go somewhere respectable when bowl season comes, and they're going to be a real threat in the ACC next season. Shall we carry on? We shall!

San Diego State-7, #21 Utah-38 and
Air Force-21, #22 BYU-38

Utah is a boring state, San Diego State is nothing short of awful, and this week's Utah/BYU game will feature a matchup of two decent teams that are light years away from being as good as TCU, the leader of their conference. (NOTE: That's this year, last year Utah was the superior power. Take heart, BYU, logic says next year's your year!)

Virginia-21, #23 Clemson-34

Way to go, UVa. The one time I hope you'll beat someone, you fail. Don't worry, I'll go back to my old habits of cheering heartily against you this coming week.

Clemson deserves a hat tip for winning the division of the ACC that doesn't have any good teams in it. Oh, you have a problem with that statement? Well Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech, Miami, and UNC probably agree with me.

Clemson also deserves to get the finger for the way they treated Tommy Bowden last season, and for the way that they'll treat Dabo Swinney after a few more seasons like this one. Don't believe me? Just wait. If Clemson isn't national title material next season, there'll be people calling for Swinney's head. As stated last week, good luck, Mr. Swinney.

(Austin was here as well)

And to Georgia Tech and South Carolina, I beseech thee, crush Clemson into submission in these coming weeks.

Memphis-14, #24 Houston-55

Houston, inexplicably, is still ranked. They're sure favorites to win the Conference USA championship, and they should go to a semi-decent bowl where (and I have said this before) they will be destroyed if they play any team with an even halfway competent defense. Memphis, meanwhile, is already looking forward to next season. While it's possible to have a worse season than Memphis's current one, that would take effort. Like, actually trying to lose.

#25 Rutgers-13, Syracuse-31

Alright, so I debated about putting this one in here. If you didn't know, the BCS actually didn't have Rutgers ranked; only the AP did. But a story like this shouldn't be left to rot in the Bottom 95. No, this one deserved its own article.

Rutgers, ranked because someone somewhere has decided that the Big East must have 3 ranked teams regardless of what reality indicates, loses to freakin' Syracuse. By 18! That's insanity! This is the same Syracuse that has Greg Paulus as the starting quarterback! The same Greg Paulus who played basketball for Duke University!

Which brings me to my final major tangent for this extraordinarily long post: The Big East's ranked teams. Now that the new rankings are out, the Big (L)East has 2 ranked teams: Cincinnati and Pitt. These teams sit at #5 and #9 in the country. Cincinnati is undefeated and Pitt is 9-1. Ostensibly, these rankings are OK. Then you look at the conference. Can you say with any degree of confidence that these teams deserve to be this high? 2 Top 10 teams from a conference with 0 other ranked teams. This doesn't strike anyone as odd? Let's look at the non-conference schedules. That will give us a better idea of whether these teams should be here:

Cincinnati: Southeast Missouri State, at Oregon State, Fresno State, at Miami (Ohio)
Pitt: Youngstown State, at Buffalo, Navy, at NC State (Pitt's lone loss on the season)

My point? Well, this conference has the honor of fielding two of the top 10 teams in the nation, and neither one has gone out of its way to prove that they're top 10 material. Just throwing it out there...

Bonus coverage

Vanderbilt-16, Tennessee-31

I'd never been to a game in Knoxville, so this Saturday was a bit of an educational experience for me. You see, it's one thing to see Neyland Stadium on television, quite another to go there. There were 100,000 people at the stadium that night, meaning there was room for about 7,000 more who didn't show up.

Knoxville turns orange on gamedays at UT, as was evidenced by the restaurant that we ate at. The wait staff and at least 90% of the patrons were wearing orange. Not burnt orange, but the sort of orange that screams: "LOOK AT ME, DANG IT!" The blinding aura of orange continued inside the stadium where 80,000 of the 100,000 people there were wearing it. Don't get me wrong, the show of solidarity is amazing, and it's impossible to see a game at Neyland without having the words "Go Vols!" exit your mouth at some point in time, but I really wish that it was some other color.

The stadium itself is very quirky. One endzone is quite modern, with clean restrooms and plenty of food stands and an offshoot of the Tennessee bookstore that sells just about everything imaginable in one shade of orange. Other parts of the stadium include the original grandstand area (where our seats were) which has been maintained to keep that "Built in 1921" feel to it. Not necessarily a bad thing, though my fianceé was rather grossed out by the restrooms. The coolest part about Neyland? In the original building there are several classrooms that once functioned as dorm rooms. It's pretty cool to think that there was once a point in time where you could sit in your room until game time, then walk to the window and watch the game.

Various odds and ends: Petro's chili is amazing. If you go to Neyland, try some. Oh, and Tennessee won the game and gained bowl eligibility. Congrats to the Vols, and here's hoping they don't play Virginia Tech in a bowl. I'd hate to see that ugly shade of orange get smeared all over Tech's jerseys as they dragged the Volunteers up and down the field at will...

And now Tales from the Bottom 95

The various "Austin was here" posts stem from me turning my back on my younger brother. I am too entertained and too lazy to delete them...To prove just how screwed up the Big 12 (and by association the BCS) is, look no further than the Kansas State/Nebraska game. Nebraska won, knocking Kansas State out of bowl contention. Had the Wildcats won, however, they would have only been one major upset away from a guaranteed BCS berth. Yeah, try that on for size, logic!...My post about Clemson earlier wasn't entirely accurate, UNC actually clinched the division for the Tigers when the Tar Heels beat the Boston College Eagles earlier in the day...Congrats if you decipher that last sentence...Florida State got bowl eligible this week. Good thing, since their next game is against Florida...Things have gotten really bad in Athens, as Georgia falls to Kentucky...Missouri beat Iowa State, thereby salvaging hope of a mid-level bowl...UConn took out Notre Dame in double overtime, clinching Charlie Weis's firing. Unless he takes hostages! (See previous Saturday in Review)...UCLA won, making themselves bowl eligible and knocking out Arizona State...

Thus concludes the longest post on this blog thus far. Congrats if you made it! If you didn't, that's OK. I wouldn't have either if I hadn't written it...