A glorious (and surprisingly competitive) first Saturday of the year. Let’s hit the highlights and gloss conveniently over some of the more slaughter-oriented games of the day (Side note: numbers represent position in the USA Today/Coaches’ Poll, since that’s the one that factors into the BCS)…
San Jose State-3,#1 Alabama-48
On a day where many SEC teams did not look up to snuff, the Crimson Tide certainly showed up to play. Even minus Mark Ingram, Alabama had very little trouble with the Spartans of San Jose State, which means that my hat is safe. As the defending champs, Alabama was sort of obliged to win this game against inferior competition. Plus, ‘Bama at least had the decency to play another 1-A team, something that many many other squads didn’t have the gumption to do on this particular day. Let’s move on…
Miami (the bad one) (I mean, Ohio)-12,#3 Florida-34
Considering their ranking, this had to be pretty embarrassing for Florida. The defense showed up to play, something for which Urban Meyer should be eternally grateful, since the Gators’ offense apparently all followed St. Timmy to the NFL. Miami was leading this game after the 1st quarter, and Florida’s defense provided the first touchdown of 2010. If this were a report on another school named Miami, that wouldn’t be a big deal. But considering that Florida was playing the 2nd worst team on its schedule, this really isn’t a good sign if you’re a Gator fan. If you’re sick of Florida being shoved down your throat as an ideal team that others should strive to be like, however, this was kinda fun to watch. Florida’s offense never got going at any point in the game, and they looked very frustrated at times with the MAC defense of Miami. The game against South Florida figures to be tougher than this one, so Urban had best get things in Gainesville turned around fast, otherwise he may be taking another leave of absence.
#4 Texas-34,Rice-17
Rice played surprisingly well in this game. The Owls are known for being something of a traditional cupcake for the Longhorns, and it was good to see them fight back. Texas, though, joins a surprisingly large club of teams that didn’t hammer their cupcakes into the ground. Statisticians will tell you that 1 game is the worst possible sample size you can use to draw conclusions, so when the spate of “what week one taught us” articles come out, don’t pay too much attention. Texas plays mediocre nonconference competition, and its quite possible that they weren’t taking this game too seriously. It’s also possible that this game is a troubling barometer that all is not well in Austin, and that Texas is poised for a precipitous fall. The only certainty is that it’s too dang early to tell anything, and that goes for the two games I wrote about above this one, and however many games I’ll write about below this one.
As to the game itself: Texas’ running game saved the day, since Garrett Gilbert looked about as inconsistent today as he did during the National Championship game back in January. Rice didn’t allow any ridiculously huge plays, but they seemed to run out of steam in the 2nd quarter, allowing Texas to wake up out of their funk and take a 24-3 lead before the Owls could score again. Allowing your superior competition a double digit lead is generally how cupcakes allow themselves to get eaten. There are exceptions to this rule (see Bottom 95 section on Ole Miss), but this game wasn’t one of them. Onward, to an actual ranked matchup!
#22 Oregon State-21,#7 TCU-30
It’s been a good week thus far for the BCS busters, though this game was pretty close for much of its early portions. We really can’t read too much into this one, but it was interesting to note that the commentators for this game said that the difference was “the experience” of TCU quarterback Andy Dalton was what made the difference in this game. Simply put, that’s just wrong. Dalton did have 30 more starts than Oregon State’s quarterback, and he ran for 2 scores and threw for another, but he also threw 2 more interceptions. Call it a wash, but don’t call it a difference. Besides which, anyone who was watching the game knows that the difference maker was TCU’s defense…or possibly their hideous new unis.
Utah State-24,#8 Oklahoma-31
Coming off of a bowl season where the Big 12 looked outright mediocre (4-4) the conference had a lot to prove coming into this season. In week 1, they failed to prove much of anything, with both Texas and Oklahoma struggling mightily against lesser foes. At least Texas had the excuse of being on the road. Oklahoma had to nip a team that went 4-8 last season, and they had to do so in Norman. It stands to reason that the biggest problem present in the Big 12 is that the conference doesn’t know how to play defense. Yes, there is an exception to this rule: Nebraska. And of the Big 12 teams in action on Saturday, guess which one looked the best? That’s right…
Western Kentucky-10,#9 Nebraska-49
Nebraska was quite dominant all day, something that is very telling about the status of some very highly ranked teams. You see, having to say “(insert ranked team name here) was dominant all day” in the first week of the season is normally like saying “The sun rose today” or “A Florida player got arrested today.” It should be unremarkable, commonplace, etc. Instead, many teams looked like that number in front of their name was the number of points they were going to score. Nebraksa is leaving their current conference in the lurch after this season, and they have a very real shot at winning the Big 12 in their last year in the conference. Still, let’s not read too much into the first week of the year, nor should we make this post too long. After all, there’s many more Saturdays, all of which will be more interesting than this one.
Eastern Illinois-7, #10 Iowa-37
The SEC and Big 12 looked so crummy today that they grabbed the headlines. That’s somewhat unfair, because the Big 10 played reasonably well. I’m putting this here because the Wisconsin/UNLV game was actually fairly close, the Penn State game is further down, and all the other Big 10 teams will be lost in the shuffle of the Bottom 95.
Plus, this could be a sign that Iowa is going to be the National Champion this year! Sounds ridiculous, yes? Well, last year they made the BCS after needing a blocked field goal to beat Northern Iowa. So, logic says, this team might be even better! But, as we all know, in college football, logic has no place.
New Mexico-0, #11 Oregon-72
Look at the score. No analysis necessary. Heck, Oregon even played a 1-A team in this slaughter, too.
#12 Wisconsin-41, UNLV-21
Wisconsin actually struggled in this game, though they pulled away during the 3rd quarter. I’ll be honest, it was late, and I was about 90% asleep during this game, so analysis here is going to be spotty. How about a random thought: how hard must it be to keep football players (especially the juniors and seniors who are 21+) focused in Vegas? Just throwing it out there.
Youngstown State-14,#14 Penn State-44
1-AA cupcake game, with a predictable result, though the Penguins did have a lead at the end of the 1st. I guess the coaches were out at the nursing home picking up “head coach” Paterno during the first quarter. JoePa’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not the actual coach at Penn State. He doesn’t even wear a headset for crying out loud! There really ought to be a law against this sort of thing, because so long as Joe has a pulse he’ll be the coach at Penn State, which will make his records completely untouchable.
Any hoo, after the 1st, this game was all Penn State, with Youngstown trailing 44-7 before they finally added their last, meaningless, TD with 40 seconds left in the game. Come to think of it, there ought to be a law against that, too.
#16 LSU-30,#18 North Carolina-24
LSU came into this game with a distinct advantage, what with Carolina missing starters on both sides of the ball. And for the first half, everything played out as it was supposed to. Then, after halftime, the narrative took a sudden, dramatic turn at Crazyville. Maybe Butch Davis is a brilliant on-field coach, maybe Les Miles is as dumb as everyone seems to think he is, or maybe the Carolina trainers know Brian McNamee. No matter how you slice it, though, the second half was a thriller, with Carolina’s offense playing very well and with LSU’s whole team looking nothing short of lost.
Don’t get me wrong, though, LSU did do pretty well in the first half, and some exceptional play by TJ Yates in the second half was the entire reason that Carolina stayed in the game at all. As a fan of a team in the ACC, I must say that it’s a good thing they lost those starters, because if those were the backups, then this team would dominate the conference with its starters. LSU, meanwhile, shouldn’t give up hope. After all, they at least beat a team from a major conference, which is more than most SEC teams could say on this day.
South Carolina State-10, #17 Georgia Tech-41
All this game teaches us is that Georgia Tech still can’t throw the ball. They threw for 12 yards against a 1-AA team, which means that if they find themselves down late in a game again, they’d best hope they’re playing a team with a horrible run defense. Not much else can be said about this one, especially when one considers the level of competition that the Jackets were facing.
Tennessee Tech-3, #19 Arkansas-44
Bobby Petrino is right down there with Nick Saban in terms of likability. And Ryan Mallett, according to the ESPN writeup, got his Heisman campaign started by pantsing a 1-AA team. I know I harped on this during the review of Ingram’s injury, but no one commented on that post so I’ll do it again: How does one start a Heisman campaign by slaughtering a vastly inferior foe? Does anyone really think that the voters of the Downtown Athletic Club are going to look at this game in December and go, “Gee, Mallett beat up his 1-AA opponent by 41, instead of just 40. He’s outstanding!” No, they’ll probably look at Arkansas’s conference games and do with this one what I should have done: ignore it.
Samford-6,#20 Florida State-59
Another 1-AA game that went as planned. Was it just me, or did the ACC look better than the SEC today? I’m not saying that the ACC is the better of the two southern major conferences, just that they didn’t need to pull ahead of their cupcakes in the 4th quarter. Sure, the ACC lost its only major matchup of the day, and there’s a very real chance that Boise State could kill Virginia Tech, but on the aggregate, the ACC looked good against its more pathetic competition. Moving right along…
Louisiana-Lafayette-7,#21 Georgia-55
Like Arkansas, Georgia beat their cupcake the way they were supposed to. Nothing to see here, move along.
Arkansas State-26,#23 Auburn-52
Well, Auburn might have some trouble in the SEC, considering that their defense was quite porous on this particular Saturday, but it could be that Arkansas State’s offense is just that good. In retrospect, ignore everything after the comma in that last sentence, because I really shouldn’t have typed it. Auburn proved they can score on a Sun Belt team, and they’d best hope that they still can score on SEC teams, because their defense looks like it’s going to have trouble stopping anything. And let’s move to the last of the 25…
Coastal Carolina-0,#25 West Virginia-31
Well, WVU looks like they might be back. They’re also going to be one of the few Big East teams that might be “good” instead of “mediocre.” But it’s too early to tell. Now, let’s go waaaaay down to:
Tales from the Bottom 95
Let’s lead off with the best upset of week 1: Ole Miss defeated by Jacksonville State. Guess it’s a long way down from this…Tennessee defeated their cupcake in Coach Dooley’s debut, for whatever that’s worth…Kentucky beat Louisville, allowing the SEC to win at least one game against major conference competition…Kansas State beat UCLA, which isn’t a good sign for the Bruins, since they have to go to Texas later this month…Speaking of the Big 12, holy crap, what happened to Kansas?! Turner Gill’s intro to big time football did not go well…Missouri and Illinois was a thriller, pity it’s between such mediocre teams…Lastly, Jake Locker began proving me right by helping Washington lose its first game to BYU. Yeah, Jake played pretty well, but like it or not, the Heisman doesn’t go to guys on teams that lose their first game to BYU, even though BYU’s pretty good…
That’s all for this week, not least because most of the other games were simple slaughters of 1-AA teams. And Virginia Tech’s game just came on. Gotta go!
Thoughts and ramblings on the first round of games, courtesy of a misanthrope (look it up!) with DirecTV...
Marshall-7,#2 Ohio State-45
Here's one of the myriad problems with week 1 of the season: most teams play "warm up" games like this one. I'm curious, though, as to why the lesser teams have to wait a week for warmups. Why doesn't everyone just find a lesser team and pummel them? Or why doesn't college football have a meaningless preseason like the NFL? Instead, we have a system where good teams that take risks are punished, while teams that take the easy road are given a leg up. Sure, Ohio State plays Miami (the good one) next week, but the rest of their nonconference schedule consists of Marshall, Ohio, and Eastern Michigan. Other schools are even worse: Texas' best nonconference foe is UCLA, Nebraska's best is Washington, and there's a host of other examples. Playing one good nonconference game should not be a license to screw around with the other 3, but in our current system this is really the only option. Think about it: Oregon State plays TCU and Boise State. If they drop those 2 games, win their other nonconference game, and sweep the Pac-10, they still go to a BCS bowl, but there's no way they'd play for the title. A playoff with conference winners (or common sense) would remedy this situation and encourage aggressive scheduling. As it stands, we're supposed to be impressed with teams "daring" to play a ranked nonconference opponent, while ignoring weak sauce games like this.
As to the game itself, what do you want? The score tells most of the story, though it was kinda cool to see Marshall run a blocked punt back for their only points. Let's move on...
Florida A&M-0, #13Miami-45
(NOTE: No real analysis here, game was as dull as a bowling ball)
So to prepare for one another Ohio State and Miami played a mediocre Conference USA team and a decent 1-AA team, respectively. This raises more than a few questions: How is that realistic? Does anyone think that OSU and Miami's 2nd teams couldn't provide more challenge to the starters than these squads? I guess the hitting is more "realistic" with a cupcake opponent, but is that it? Are these games anything more than glorified scrimmages? If Ohio State really is the 2nd best team in the country, then how does pummeling Florida A&M serve as a preparatory step? And will I really continue with the hackneyed gimmick of asking rhetorical questions? The answer to the last one is "no."
#14 USC-49,Hawaii-36
O, how the mighty have fallen! The Southern California Trojans treated this as though it were a major win, the right way to start of the Lane Kiffin era. Really? This? Beating last year's 5th place team from the WAC? Oops, started asking questions again, my bad. Watching the game, though, it was clear that the Trojans are probably going to struggle this year. Hawaii's not anywhere near the best team that Southern Cal will play this season, and Southern Cal never really put them away until about halfway through the 4th quarter when they responded to Hawaii's late score with one of their own. Hawaii's offense kept scoring on a very porous Trojan defense, and only Hawaii's awful defense allowed Southern Cal to win the game. Fortunately for the Trojans, they play a rather pathetic nonconference schedule, meaning that they don't have any real challenges on the schedule until October, which will give the defense some desperately needed time to gel.
As to the Southern Cal offense, they proved that they could score against a WAC team which, unless that team's name is "Boise State," isn't saying much. The SC offense was well balanced, with virtually equal passing and rushing yardage. Unfortunately, they actually hung up LESS yardage than Hawaii did, though that was largely a consequence of field position. Hawaii's not a terrible team, but they're nowhere near the national threat they were considered to be in 2007, and Southern Cal will finish in the middle of the Pac-10 again if they keep playing the way they did on Thursday.
#15 Pitt-24,Utah-27
Normally I'd just riff on Utah for being a boring state, but this was actually the best game of the night by leaps and bounds. The game was a pitched battle, with both teams putting up some rather embarrassing penalty numbers while putting on a very good show. The Utahns (Utahers? Utahites? Utahonians?) who showed up to support the Utes provided a suitably hostile environment to test the Pitt Panthers, a test which the Panthers ultimately failed.
Given that I'm writing this on what is technically Saturday (it's really early...), it'd be a waste of everyone's time to try and describe the entire game. You could have watched the highlights a few hundred times by now. Instead, let's focus on the final play of regulation: the Pitt field goal to send the game into overtime. Just in case you didn't know, the Panthers were driving, trying to win/tie the game with time running out. With 3 seconds left on the clock, their kicker trotted out and nailed a 30 yard field goal. Except that Utah's coach had called a last second timeout.
So they lined it up again, he kicked it again, but this time he missed! Utah wins! Except their coach had called a timeout.
So, for a third time, Pitt kicks a field goal. This time he hits it, Utah's coach doesn't call timeout, and the game goes into OT.
Now, a few seasons ago this was a HUGE deal. Heck, coaches calling timeout to ice the kicker at the last second was such a trend during the 2007 season that it was added as a feature in EA's NCAA game for the following year. Thankfully that trend died down a bit after coaches realized that it had minimal effect on most kickers, and allowed more than a few missed kicks to be retried, therefore completely backfiring on its users. Last season there wasn't much mention of the tactic at all, a far cry from the NCAA meetings in early 2008 where a rule change was discussed to stop the rather underhanded tactic from being used. One can only hope that this trend isn't going to crop up again. Calling timeout while a kicker is on the field is one thing. Heck, one can even wait until the lines are all set. But for crying out loud, why call timeout right before the snap? It's underhanded, it's unnecessary, and most of the time it doesn't even work! Remember this one? And for crying out loud, coaches, if you're going to pull this little stunt, don't do it more than once! If Utah's coach had called one timeout, then allowed the kick, they would have won the game then and there. Instead, in a classic case of shutting the barn door after the horse has already run away, Coach Whittingham did not call timeout on Pitt's last kick, which sailed, in a very ugly line, through the uprights. The timeout tactic is simply low, and it really needs to be addressed by the NCAA somehow. I mean, come on, some of the most famous misses in college history have come after no timeouts at all!
I guess I'm making too much of it, Pitt threw an interception on the first play of OT and Utah won anyway. However, now it is time for...
Tales from the Bottom 95
I didn't announce it on here or facebook, yet, but I have a new home on the web, here's the link! I'll still post everything on here that I did on there, but the other site provides news and updates from many authors instead of just 1...What better way to kick off the season than with the historic Wake Forest/Presbyterian College game? Seriously, that was the first game of the year?...Tulane only beat their 1-AA cupcake by 6. Gonna be a looooong season in New Orleans...South Carolina took care of Southern Miss, which really is problematic. If the Gamecocks had just gone ahead and gotten upset, they wouldn't have gotten their fans' hopes up again...Quick nod to Middle Tennessee State, who held their own against Minnesota right up to the closing whistle, and very nearly won...Buffalo opened up their season (and their new coach's era) with a win...Florida Atlantic beat UAB in what was apparently a very thrilling game. I am basing this totally on the box score, though...
That's all for Thursday. Hopefully I'll be able to do one of these for Saturday as well.
If you ever needed proof that time is relative, look no further than the week before college football starts back. Time has slowed down to an intolerable crawl, and even the baseball highlights are getting recycled into an unimaginative mash of “Stephen Strasburn hurt his arm OMG!!11!!one!!” The season starts in a day and all the preview magazines and articles have exhausted their sources and their readers. As a result, all we have is this awesome news flash out of Alabama: Mark Ingram will miss the Tide’s first game!
Look, it was well known that Ingram’s cohort at tailback, Trent Richardson, will be getting several carries this year, and since ‘Bama’s first game is against San Jose State, it’s not like it really matters. The AP article on Ingram’s surgery (the above link that isn’t about special relativity) states that Ingram’s surgery could have an impact on his chances of repeating as the Heisman winner. Really? The Heisman voters are going to look at the San Jose State game as relevant to Ingram’s Heisman shot? Considering that Alabama has Penn State, Arkansas, Florida, South Carolina, Tennessee, Ole Miss, LSU, Mississippi State, and Auburn left on its schedule, I think Ingram will be OK. Oh, and if cupcake touchdowns really are a concern for Ingram and the Tide, they still have Duke and Georgia State on the schedule as well. For my money, I’d look at the games against even halfway decent foes as a heck of a lot more important than whatever Ingram does (or doesn’t do) against San Jose State.
Perhaps you’re wondering why I’m treating the surgery with such a nonchalant attitude. The reasons are twofold:
1) As mentioned above, Ingram’s backup is a danged fine running back in his own right. If this is a really serious issue, then Richardson could still easily step in and have a crushingly good season. Need proof? Look no further than this guy, who took over for a 1,000 yard rusher and turned into a 1,000 yard rusher. Yeah, the SEC defenses are better than ACC defenses, but if Alabama’s as good as everyone (including me!) thinks they are, then it shouldn’t matter. You’d have to be a blithering idiot to say that Alabama won the National Championship solely because of Mark Ingram, and his loss shouldn’t immediately stamp out all hope that the Tide can repeat (though it now provides a convenient excuse for the devil Nick Saban should he fail to win).
2) The second reason that the Ingram injury shouldn’t create too much of a panic is this: He’s been hurt once or twice before, and he’s recovered admirably. According to this nifty post, he was hurt slightly in the Auburn game last season, which didn’t stop him from scoring 3 touchdowns against Florida the next week. Like all running backs, he misses at least 4 or 5 plays per game with stingers and bruises, but he still proved outstanding in most of his games last season. Surgery’s a bit more important than a little knee stinger, but still, let’s not go crazy. Nick Saban is evil, but he’s smart. He wouldn’t have allowed Ingram to go under the knife this close to the season (and the big early game against Penn State) without knowing that Ingram will recover in time or having a backup plan. Since that backup plan includes the other guy named as the All-SEC preseason running back, I venture to say that Nick isn’t losing too much sleep over the whole affair.
In conclusion, this whole story really isn’t one until next week. At this juncture, it’s just a nuisance to football fans who just want the dang season to start. Alabama will not lose to San Jose State with or without Mark Ingram, and they’ll still be favored to beat Penn State if he has to sit out that game as well. And if Ingram’s absence does allow SJSU to defeat the Crimson Tide, then I will boil and eat my own favorite Virginia Tech hat as penance for my sins as a blogger. Until then, let’s all eagerly await the spate of fairly mediocre games headed our way on Thursday…
Apologies to everyone for the title, it seemed like a good idea at the time, I swear.
Any hoo, yesterday (August 21) the second major poll in college football was released for public consumption. Sure, there was nothing in the way of surprises (defending champion Alabama #1? Really? How daring!), but the release of these polls always creates some consternation among the college football community. Before I begin spouting inane bile, allow me to state that I see nothing egregiously wrong with the first AP poll. I agree with the positioning of just about every team in the poll, and any quibbles I have with the current AP rankings involve stuff like tweaking the team at #15 and moving them up a spot or two, moving #20 down a spot, bumping #24 to #23, etc. So...yeah, petty stuff.
No, the issue I have here is the existence of the preseason poll at all. First off, the AP Poll doesn't factor into the BCS system at all, which makes one wonder why it even exists as it matters quite literally as much as the opinions any given random blogger can espouse at any given second. So unless it exists as a form of subtle protest to the BCS system (in which case, applause to the AP), the AP Poll is the college football equivalent to the Queen of England.
Do not attempt to refute this point. Ever since the debacle in 2003-4 where the AP voted Southern California as the national champs, while the BCS (with the Coaches Poll attached) said that LSU had won the title, the AP poll has been excluded (at its members' behest) from the BCS equation. Yes, the AP still gives out its trophy, but that isn't the one that people focus on anymore. Unless the AP made a bold statement like naming Utah its 2008 national champion, there's no reason to care about the trophy given by pollsters who don't even decide who plays in the biggest 5 games of the postseason. And ever since 2004 the AP has given its national championship trophy to the same team the BCS has crowned champion, so basically any argument that the AP Poll is anything more than a barometer of sportswriters' opinions is fallacious.
Furthermore, preseason polls are often laughably inaccurate. Indeed, the only thing good about the BCS is that they don't release any polls until week 8, allowing time and games to sort out contenders from pretenders. Not so with the AP and Coaches polls, they try and predict the outcome of arguably the least predictable major sport before the season even starts. Allow me to make something clear: I DO NOT FAULT PRESEASON POLLS FOR BEING WRONG! That would be, for lack of a better term, stupid. The preseason AP Top 25 for 2009 had Oklahoma ranked 3rd. The AP could not have foreseen BYU's week 1 upset, nor the injury Sam Bradford suffered in said upset. Nor should they have been expected to. Just because someone is an "expert" does not mean that they can predict the injuries and upsets that make college football interesting. There are dozens of examples of ludicrously wrong preseason predictions, and not one of them deserves to be mocked, because predicting the outcome of any given season is an impossible task for anyone without a real, working crystal ball, and I imagine that particular band of gypsies has better things to do than predict the outcome of games.
"But Bones," you ask, "the Coaches Poll came out a few weeks ago, and it's a key component in determining the BCS champion." Yes, that is true, which brings us to an even more troubling point. While the preseason polls are frequently inaccurate, it's actually worse for college football fans when they're right. The fact of the matter is that preseason polls often determine the contents of a championship game months in advance of the actual game. Texas and Alabama were 2 of the 5 teams that went undefeated in college football last season, yet they made the national title game because they had the advantage of being #2 and #5 in the initial coaches poll instead of #16, #17, and unranked (TCU, Boise State, and Cincinnati respectively). Look, I'm aware of the fact that Texas and Alabama play in much tougher conferences than the other teams in question here, but a team must be given a chance to prove itself among the elite! Otherwise, college football is nothing more than an elitist club that won't allow teams to play in big games unless they were good in the 1960's and are still good today (or are mediocre today, but were good in the 1960's. I am looking at you, Notre Dame).
Let's use this coming season as an example: Given the way this season is scheduled, the following scenario is a reality: Alabama, Ohio State, Boise State, Texas, and TCU could all run the table. They're all in different conferences, and none of them play one another. So, keeping it simple, let's assume that just these 5 teams go undefeated. Who gets the chance to win the ugly crystal football? Alabama, obviously. They play in the murderous SEC. Who else do you send? Don't dwell on it too much. It doesn't matter, because 3 other teams which started the season in the Top 10 get screwed.
The bottom line is this, the existence of preseason polls is really not good for anyone. It's not good for writers or coaches who get lampooned when their predictions are wrong, it's not good for schools whose fates are often decided before the first snap of the season, and it's not good for fans of teams outside the Top 25, who know that they don't have a chance at getting a national title barring about 25 separate miracles occurring in a 12 week span. The only groups that this current poll benefits are people attached to Alabama and Ohio State, because no one else controls their own destiny. If you disagree with that statement, find yourself a Boise State, TCU, or Cincinnati fan and ask them. Yet, within our grasp, their lies a solution to this problem: it's called a playoff. If you're a member of the BCS Committee, look it up.
Perhaps you're wondering how I drew the rather brash and accusatory conclusion present in the title. Well, here's a link: these words right here. Let's analyze, shall we?
For those of you who missed it, Mike Leach lost his job near the end of last season when it was revealed that he might have locked a kid with a concussion in a closet. He's denied doing anything wrong, but he got fired anyway, probably because basically every piece of evidence seems to point to him doing something wrong. Yeah, the timing was convenient for Texas Tech, but I highly doubt that the school was trying to avoid an $800,000 payout to Leach when you consider that this is the same school that signed Tommy Tuberville to a contract paying $1.5 million a year for 5 years. Plus, these accusations were leveled against Coach Leach during a semi-successful season, which adds to their validity because the people who did so didn't wait for Texas Tech to have a 2-10 season unlike some fans I could mention.
Yes, I'm aware of the whole "innocent until proven guilty" bit, but in the same regard that you don't let someone accused of a DUI run a bar, you don't let a guy accused of player abuse coach a team. Well, you shouldn't, but if a school gets desperate enough, they'll do it. Still, assuming that the whole "locking someone in a closet despite having no medical training, nor any authority to do so" stays in the sport's collective memory for a bit, Leach's comments are kinda funny.
First off, note that the first line that somehow draws a loose association between Leach and Hemingway. Sure, Leach didn't write that line, but if he sued Texas Tech for "defamatory statements" then he should sue the AP for comparing him to one of the craziest guys in literary history.
Let me also make it clear that Mike Leach is pretty clearly already insane. The guy's got a rather unhealthy obsession with pirate memorabilia, a rather unhealthy obsession with passing, and a rather unhealthy disdain for defense. But, rather than force you to read a massive pile of words, let's just establish the sheer ludicrousness of the CBS College Sports Network manager Steve Herbst saying "We are going to insist that [Leach] be himself. There are no limitations on what Mike can or cannot talk about." Mr. Herbst, on the off chance that you read this blog: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! The guy who once told his players that they were too concerned with their "fat little girlfriends" is not someone to whom you give a license to say whatever he wants. That's just not a good idea!
Perhaps I'm making too much of a deal about this. I mean, in the interest of full disclosure, this article does also make it clear that Leach is going to be doing mostly Conference USA games, meaning that if he does say something egregious (look it up!) then he'll only be heard by relatively few people until SI, ESPN, or Yahoo gets ahold of the tape, at least.
In conclusion, Mike Leach probably shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a microphone, or even near a stadium. A guy with a history of verbal abuse who has also been accused of physical abuse is not the kind of individual I'd want near college kids, even as an announcer. If that sounds harsh, keep in mind that I'd have sung a very different song had Leach apologized for any of the wrongs mentioned above. Being repentant and wanting a second chance is one thing; being unrepentant and expecting to be handed a second chance is quite another. Everyone deserves a shot to clear their name, but they have to admit that they were wrong first, something that Mike Leach is either incapable or unwilling to do at this juncture.
I don’t know that any of you follow the Sporting News. I occasionally make that mistake, if only to remind myself that ESPN became the Worldwide Leader in Schlock because it’s the least of all the evils in sports journalism (usually). Anyway, the Sporting News has been doing a rundown of each individual conference’s nonconference schedule, and this exercise reached its peak sometime a while back when this analysis of the Pac-10 was released.
Now, before I begin tearing into intrepid writer Matt Hayes’ fluff, let’s all be clear on a few things. First off, almost every Division 1-A school (I refuse to use the term “FBS”) has a nonconference schedule that is best described as a joke. Aside from regional rivalry games (Florida State vs. Florida, Georgia Tech vs. Georgia, etc.) and the occasional nationally televised matchup (Virginia Tech vs. Boise State, LSU vs. UNC) nonconference schedules consist of big schools crushing a pathetic Directional Tech in the name of “warming up.” Western Carolina University (my alma mater) has, in the last 4 seasons, played Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Florida State, and Vanderbilt. The Catamounts have been outscored 273-22 in those 5 games, none of which would have provided any of the teams involved with anything even resembling a “realistic” opponent. Heck, Vandy beat Western by 45. All of the other schools in D-1AA have similar stories. Nonconference schedules have become incredibly anemic for most schools in the country, largely to remove threats from outside the conference, which would hurt a team’s chance of going undefeated, which, in turn, would kill a team’s chance at winning a national title.
To continue pummeling this already deceased horse, I will point out that Virginia Tech’s shot at a national title died on September 5 last season. Sure, no one knew it at the time, but even if the Hokies had gone undefeated for the remainder of the season (they didn’t, but this is my fantasy world, dang it!) they would have still been excluded from the title game due to their loss on the third night of the season, because only 2 teams get to have a shot at the national title under the current system! If only there were a way to determine what two teams should play one another via a competitive bracket of the best teams in college football. Oh, wait, THERE IS.
The second point I’d like to make in this little bit of pre-analysis (yeah, this is the prelude, sorry.) is that the writer of this article is Matt Hayes. Matt Hayes is a Pac-10 apologist. He is the Saint Augustine of the Pac-10. (Look it up!) Hayes wrote an article back in 2007 saying that was the year Southern Cal should have made the championship game. If you didn’t know, that was the year they lost to Stanford 24-23. Hayes’ argument? That Southern Cal was playing the best football in the country “at the time of the national championship game.” Yeah, because THAT’S the criterion for making the national title game. Not winning all your games, no. Playing the best football in November and December, that’s the ticket. Never mind losing in September or October. Now, let’s rip the article…(Handy link, just in case you didn’t keep that one open)
In the opening lines, you may notice this quote: “…we praise the Pac-10 for competing and wonder why everyone else can’t keep up.” Unfortunately for himself, at the end of the article Mr. Hayes has posted summaries of the nonconference schedules for each conference. Yes, the Pac-10 has the highest number of games against BCS foes and the fewest number of games against non-BCS foes, but let’s not kid ourselves here. I shall now include a list of the teams the Pac-10 schools will be playing from other BCS conferences (including, for no good reason, Notre Dame):
So there you have it. Of those 14 teams, 3 might be considered boot-shaking-fear worthy (Texas, Nebraska, and a very charitable nod to Iowa). Heck, half of the teams on that list didn’t make bowls last year (exactly half, 7 of 14)! My point? Is beating up on bottom feeders in a BCS conference any better than crushing schools from non-BCS conferences? The answer is a resounding “NO!” Heck, the two best teams on Oregon State’s nonconference schedule are non-BCS teams!
As I know some deranged westerners will accuse me of “East Coast bias,” I went ahead and looked up the ACC’s nonconference schedule. In a somewhat ironic twist, they play more nonconference games per-team because they have a larger conference. The results? Well, the ACC only plays 19 of its 48 nonconference games against BCS foes, but there are far more real threats on the schedule. Compare the Pac-10′s paltry 3 good nonconference foes to the ACC’s 7 (Oklahoma, Florida, LSU, Ohio State, Alabama, Southern Cal, and admittedly charitable nods to Cincinnati and West Virginia) and Mr. Hayes’ argument starts to fall apart. Factor in the fact that an ACC team also plays Boise State, another goes on a road trip to Auburn, and a third plays the mighty Catamounts of Western Carolina (I kid!) and it seems downright silly to praise the Pac-10 for theoretically tough scheduling.
This is getting long, so I’ll gloss over a few more points. Hayes also put the number of 1-AA foes that the conferences are playing. In the same article on how the Pac-10 has a tough schedule, he points out that they play the second highest proportion of 1-AA teams! Just because you play a tough team doesn’t give you the right to schedule a cupcake! To prove I’m not a hypocrite, I will harp on my own team: Virginia Tech shouldn’t play James Madison just because they have the guts to play Boise the week before! It doesn’t work that way! Well, actually it does. See, the lack of a playoff encourages garbage like this. It’s sad, really.
Finally (I promise), Hayes includes a list of the Top 5 nonconference games at the very end of his article on the Pac-10. Now, I may be way off here on the east coast, but am I the only one who isn’t exactly psyched for, well, ANY of those games? Nebraska vs. Washington? Really? Once again, might be an East Coast thing, but has everyone west of the Mississippi drunk the Jake Locker Kool-Aid? The guys 9-20. Gah, I can’t wait for the season to start…
So I was tooling around on the Internet today and I found this little gem.
So Pope Urban (so named due to his once-close proximity to St. Timmy of Gainesville) closed off the Florida Swap Lizards' practices, eh? According to this ESPN article, the Gators closed their practice to protect the team from "internet people" and "scumbags." As an Internet person and a scumbag, I take offense to this. Florida football players don't need protection from me. If it's anything like high school, then it should be the other way around.
OK, OK, OK. I know what Urban meant. He was trying to "protect" his players from people who grab autographs solely to sell them. Noble, I guess, but it's not like they can control kids' lives 24/7. Mind you, according to Urban, they're doing their darndest: "'We can't live the players' lives, but we can certainly do the best we can,' he told the newspaper. 'You should have the right as a player to walk from here to there without being bothered.'"
*Sigh* Urban, do you really think that in today's sports-addicted world, that it's possible for a college student at a big-name school to go anywhere without some sort of harassment? I'm not saying it's right, I'm merely saying that protecting college students from publicity hounds is something of a lost cause. Oh, and Urban apparently thinks that he's protecting these guys from unscrupulous agents and their runners. See, the problem with that theory is this: Do you think that agents give their "clients" wads of illicit cash at practice? If so, please, please inform these people that they are the worst illegal agents in the world. One of Florida's former players, Maurkice Pouncey, is currently facing charges that he accepted somewhere around $100,000 in illegal funds. So maybe Urban's less concerned with the "internet people" carousing around and more concerned with covering his own backside.
Why the cynical outlook, you ask? Well, you see, children, with St. Timmy gone, it's time for Urban to close ranks and do his best to keep the news coming out of Florida positive. Tim Tebow is a stand-up individual. I have absolutely no desire to decry and denounce him, nor do I have some weird desire to see him crumble and fall at the professional level. He did, however, provide the Florida felons with a super-convenient front. You see, under Urban Meyer, 22 Florida football players have been arrested for various crimes. Now, as far as I'm concerned, if the violations at Southern Cal were worthy of a 2 year postseason ban (they were), then having 22 of your players (some of them quite high brow) arrested for actual crimes against other people is grounds for a firing. In short, without the golden boy of college football to keep the press cameras pointed away from the swampy underbelly of the Gators, look for Florida to be one heck of a lot more closed off from the national media. Oh, well. At least the season starts soon and the general public can go back to ignoring crimes committed by players and back to focusing on the gridiron. Not that that's acceptable, but let's save the cultural commentary for later, shall we?
So, the season is fast approaching and it's time to get a little bile out. The preseason magazines are out, spring games are long since past, and the prospect of stadiums filled to capacity with screaming fans is tantalizingly close. But this blog isn't about the glories and revelry of sport. If it were, I'd be employed as a legitimate writer. And, as my bowl fiasco proved, this blog isn't very good at predicting outcomes of games of any sort.
No, this blog is about being angry about minuscule details regarding the second most popular form of football in the country. And the easiest targets for anger are (you guessed it!) coaches. So without further ado, here's an overview of all 22 coaching changes in college football between the end(-ish) of the 2009 season and the beginning of the 2010 season, each one with a prediction of how much more successful the new guy will be than his predecessor...
Akron Departing Coach: J.D. Brookhart
Arriving Coach: Rob Ianello
Review: I have no idea why the heck I'm reviewing this one, though it's first because the list I found on wikipedia is listed in alphabetical order by school. Akron is barely a blip on the college football radar screen, whose last winning season came 5 years ago. The Zips play in the MAC, a conference with minimal importance, and they have the misfortune of being located in the gargantuan pit that is the state of Ohio. The advantage of the job? If the coach is a colossal failure, no one outside of Akron will care. Actually, since LeBron James bolted Ohio, no one in Akron will care either.
Likelihood of Success: Slim. Akron's not a Mecca for football fans anywhere, but improving on a 3-9 season might not be too rough, especially with Syracuse and Gardner-Webb to open the season. As stated above, however, even if he doesn't improve, no one will care.
Review: It's good to see Turner Gill get a big time job, especially after he turned the Buffalo Bulls program around. It'll be interesting to see if Jeff Quinn can continue that level of success in the frozen north. Quinn's an interesting example. The guy has coached a grand total of 2 games: both of them bowl games coached in the wake of Brian Kelly leaving the school where he and Quinn were stationed. In fact, this will be the first season in 6 years where Kelly and Quinn aren't at the same school. Quinn's big problem, as near as I can tell, will be getting halfway decent players up to Buffalo. Turner Gill won more games in his last 3 seasons (18) than the team had won in the previous 9 years, and I have an unsettling feeling that hiring an offensive coordinator as the new head coach will hurt the Bulls. After all, last season they scored at least 17 points in all but three games, but they still finished 5-7. In other words, offense wasn't the problem, defense was. And, as experience has proven time and time again, offensive coordinators don't run good defenses. Duh.
Likelihood of Success: Again, slim. Buffalo, like Akron is obscure enough that a flameout here won't really condemn Quinn to a life of middling coaching jobs, but success will propel him to new heights (see Turner Gill). Once again on the bright side, Buffalo's not going to attract too much of a spotlight, so if Quinn crashes and burns there won't be a major amount of fallout on a national level.
Central Michigan Departing Coach: Butch Jones
Arriving Coach: Dan Enos
Review: For its second straight coaching change Cincinnati has purloined a Central Michigan coach. Central Michigan really didn't suffer mightily after Brian Kelly left them, as Butch Jones led them to 3 straight winning seasons. Central Michigan has had winning seasons every year since 2005, which is a fairly major thing when one considers that they play in a non-major conference and they don't get much pull from the national media like Boise State and TCU. In all fairness, part of their lack of press is due to a lackluster schedule year in and year out, coupled with the fact that they do not dominate their conference every year like Boise does. Still, this school's in better shape than many of the others on this list, largely because of the fact that they aren't getting a new coach because they sucked last season. They're getting a new coach because they did well for three years (and because Brian Kelly exhibited loyalty to Cincinnati at a similar level that Benedict Arnold exhibited loyalty to America).
Likelihood of Success: Relatively high. Look for a dip in performance this season because of a lack of Dan LeFevour, the do-it-all quarterback who holds the NCAA record for touchdowns scored by a single player. Still, proper management coupled with a fan base that might just be tolerant enough to see a coach through a bad season or two means that CMU could very well stay near the top of the MAC in the coming years. This review, however, contained actual analysis, no cynicism, and almost no trace of anger. No worries, though, Cincinnati's next...
Cincinnati Departing Coach: Brian Kelly
Arriving Coach: Butch Jones
Review: For every dynasty in college football there are at least 3 mini-dynasties who briefly take their place during down years. Michigan, Southern Cal, Notre Dame, Florida, etc. are examples of true dynasties. Hawaii's brief flareup at the top in 2007, those years where BYU was considered a legitimate National Championship contender, Georgia Tech once every 20 years (cheap shot!), and now Cincinnati. Cincy has done quite well in recent years, winning their pathetic little conference twice in a row. Prior to that win streak, however, the Bearcats were not just a middling team but, until 2004, they were a middling team in the non-BCS Conference USA. This past year Cincinnati came one second away from playing in the National Title game. It's fair to say that, along with that '07 Hawaii team, the 2009 Bearcats were among the most overrated teams in recent college football history, and if you'd like to argue that point with me, I will gently inform you that Cincy failed to go undefeated without the help of the officials and that they got skulled by Florida in their bowl game. I will also inform you that a pretty underwhelming Virginia Tech team beat the 2008 Big East Champion Bearcats in their bowl the previous season. So, frankly, it's around that time for the Bearcats to begin slowing down. Especially since the guy who led them to the top of their conference is gone for greener pastures (Ha ha it is a pun ha ha).
Likelihood of success: Moderate. Butch Jones is taking over a program that's had a good run, and it's hard to knock a pattern, since the same situation basically presented itself at Central Michigan around 3 years ago. Still, the temptation is there to say that Cincinnati, being in a conference that is in the BCS, will go downward. I'm not sure Jones is going to set the world aflame, and I have real problems believing that the Bearcats will compete once again for the National Title. Then again, they ARE in the Big East. So, flip a coin. Heads, Cincinnati's good, tails Cincinnati's bad.
East Carolina Departing Coach: Skip Holtz
Arriving Coach: Ruffin McNeil
Review: It's always sad to see a coach leave the team he lead to national prominence. Case in point: ECU. This team was pretty much a backwater hole in the ground (much like Greenville, NC, which the Pirates are forced to call home) where coaches' careers went to die prior to Skip Holtz's arrival. Sure, it's fair to say that the Pirates had a comparatively down year in 2009 in light of the 2008 campaign where they beat #17 Virginia Tech and #8 West Virginia. But I don't think people in Greenville will be happy to see Skip leave. The guy left the school in a much better position than he found it in when he arrived in 2004, and I think he'll help out quite a bit at South Florida (more to come).
Likelihood of success: Well, it's hard to say. ECU has been boom and bust when it comes to coaches. The coach before Holtz was a nightmarishly bad coach. The coach before him led the Pirates to several upsets and more than a few bowl games. If the pattern holds, then ECU might be poised for a fall. Still, it's tough to argue that a team with 4 straight bowl appearances (not that that means much anymore) will be poised for a hard fall.
Florida State Departing Coach: Bobby Bowden
Arriving Coach: Jimbo Fisher
Review: It's impossible to review the scope and scale of Bobby Bowden's coaching career. He deserved better than the end his career ultimately had, and he certainly deserves more than a few sentences on one of the 10 most unimportant blogs on the internet. (Least important blog on the Internet can be found here: link) Suffice it to say that Bowden's head coaching career started the year my mother was born, and he started coaching at Florida State in 1976, 10 years before my birth. Bowden's career did have some ups and downs, and the fact that he was fired after 2 National Championships, a bowl streak stretching back to 1981, and a string of winning seasons going back to 1977 is only indicative that he might have set the bar too high. Yes, his last few years were nowhere near as great as the highs of the 1990s. Yes, his teams often had all the discipline of a psych ward at San Quentin. Yes, he was forced to vacate 12 wins and his dream of defeating the corpse of Joe Paterno in the all-time wins category, but come on! Bowden's the last of a dying breed! Here we have a coach who spent 34 seasons in the same place! Some coaches (I am looking at you, pretty boy) have trouble staying anywhere for one season. So, seriously, hats off to Coach Bowden. For better or worse, the game won't be the same without one of the greats.
Likelihood of success: After all the oozing and gushing and sucking up to Bobby Bowden I just did, allow me to temper that with some good ol' fashioned hypocrisy. Because even though Bobby Bowden was one of the greats, he hasn't really been in charge down in Tallahassee for a few years. Sure, Bowden at least kept the illusion of coaching by wearing a headset, unlike Paterno, who wanders the sidelines (or booth) like an escapee from a retirement home. Someone should really reign him in before he breaks a hip. Oh, wait...
Hm. I had a point in here somewhere. Oh, yeah, Florida State. Look, Jimbo Fisher's been running that team for at least 3 years, ever since the time he was announced as "head coach in waiting." Thus, the "likelihood of success" is more of the same. There's an off chance that we'll see improvement in the Seminole program since the facade of Coach Bobby is gone. Look for a pickup in wins during the 2011 season, especially since the better teams in the ACC are senior heavy this year. So, I'm of the opinion that Florida State will be back atop the ACC shortly. As a Virginia Tech fan, however, I wouldn't complain if I was wrong. As a blogger, I won't complain if I'm right. Ha! I win either way! Moving on...
Kansas Departing Coach: Mark Mangino
Arriving Coach: Turner Gill
Review: So Mark Mangino departed from Kansas, eh? I've mentioned my issues with Mangino being called out now instead of during the 12-1, Orange Bowl winning, 2007 season. In retrospect, it would seem that firing an abusive coach after his record went south on him was a theme this year (see also: Texas Tech) (It's further down the page, genius). Look, if abuse is happening at Virginia Tech, Florida, Alabama, Texas, etc. I want to know now. Because the reality of the situation is that most of the players on the field on Saturday will not spend their lives playing football at the professional level. College football is a game. And having a 12-1 record or even a National Championship while abusing players who aren't being paid to play is totally unacceptable. Nothing is worth the well-being of young men, many of whom wouldn't be in college if they couldn't run really fast while holding an oblong object in their right hand.
Coach Mangino apparently had a history of abusive behavior, a history that Kansas was apparently willing to ignore (or that players/boosters were unwilling to report) during the years he was bringing in $17 million in BCS money. I guess I should look on the bright side: he didn't eat anyone.
Likelihood of success: Turner Gill really turned around the Buffalo program, and it makes sense to think that he can succeed at Kansas. It will be interesting to see how he does with a program in a major conference, especially since (after this season) he won't have to worry about playing his old school Nebraska. Still, the key for Gill will be defeating the two giants of the Big 12: Texas and Oklahoma. The great news for Kansas? The only way they'll play OU or Texas is if they go to the Big 12 Championship game. This season's an excellent year for Kansas to try and find its groove under Turner Gill, especially since they only have Georgia Tech and Nebraska as major hurdles. To be fair, they're also coming off a year where they went 5-7 with a 1-7 record in conference play. And yet, in an uncharacteristic fit of optimism, I am ready to declare that Kansas will have a better year than last. There, I said it.
Review: You know, it's hard to take a school that willingly hires a man named "Joker" to lead its football program seriously. It's also hard to take the whole "Head Coach in Waiting" thing seriously. If I were a coach in waiting who happened to be, say, an offensive coordinator at the school that was going to let me coach, I'd tank at my job so that I could be head coach sooner. Yes, this might backfire, but I have no idea why you'd tell a guy "Hey, you'll be head coach once this guy wrecks the program enough to get fired or decides to resign, the likelihood of which is fairly slim."
That said, Rich Brooks is leaving a program that's in reasonably good shape. They've made a bowl for the past 4 years, and Brooks has taken an historical loser and made it a, well, still nowhere near championship caliber team, but better than Vandy.
Likelihood of success: Here's the thing: Kentucky could magically become twice as good as they currently are and still not win their conference. Kentucky's in the SEC, a conference with more than its fair share of good teams. Add that to the fact that Kentucky's not in great recruiting territory and you have an ideal recipe for things to stay just the way they are...Yee-haw
OK, done with some of the big schools. Let's fast forward things a bit:
Louisiana-Lafayette Departing Coach: Charlie Weatherbie
Arriving Coach: Todd Berry
Review: ULL is...bad. That's really the only way to describe them. They're even bad for a Sun Belt team, which is actually sort of an accomplishment.
Likelihood of success: They just hired a guy who went 5-36 in 3 and a half seasons at Army. You draw your own conclusions. The only good news is that no one expects anything.
Review: Louisiana Tech isn't great, nor is it a great spot to try and pull in recruits, considering that only kids who couldn't get into a Big 12 or SEC school will consider playing for the Bulldogs. Plus, LTU has to compete with the elephant in the conference that is Boise State. Dooley did a decent job of holding the Bulldogs together, but aside from scaring LSU last season, there wasn't much worthy of note about LTU's 2008 season.
Likelihood of success: Considering that the only way to really be considered successful in a conference as tiny/obscure as the WAC is to either turn around a perpetual loser or win the conference championship, then the likelihood of success is quite slim here. LTU isn't the pit of awfulness, but they also have basically no chance of winning the WAC championship. So...enjoy your obscurity Coach Dykes.
Louisville Departing Coach: Steve Kragthorpe
Arriving Coach: Charlie Strong
Review: Louisville's another one of those little mini-dynasties mentioned above. The Cardinals were one field goal away from being undefeated in 2006. That season seems light years away after 3 horrific seasons under Kragthorpe, whose last name I will really miss, as it sounds and looks like a name from some cheap Star Wars knockoff. But, to be frank, Louisville doesn't interest me that much, so let's just keep cruising right along to the stupid "likelihood of success" section, like I have any freakin' idea of what's going to happen.
Likelihood of success: Well, Bobby Petrino proved that Louisville can climb to great heights, especially in a conference with an automatic BCS berth and no great team. Mind you, Bobby Petrino is a backstabbing son of a you-know-what who probably sold his soul to the devil for that 2006 season and whose "payment" for his soul was that horrible season with the Falcons and an eternity of mediocrity at Arkansas. Oh, and I think that Charlie Strong can't do any worse than Kragthorpe did at Louisville, so I believe that if you define "success" as "a better season than the last 3" then the likelihood of success here is high. Just don't look for some sort of mega-season with a great run leading to a national title. That'd be absurd.
Marshall Departing Coach: Mark Snyder
Arriving Coach: Doc Holliday
Review: This is going to sound harsh, but most college students these days would not know anything at all about Marshall football were it not for the 1970 plane crash that killed 75 people, 35 of whom were members of the team. Actually, thanks to the general stupidity, hedonism, and ignorance that have gripped American collegiate culture in recent years, I think it's actually more fair to say that most college students wouldn't know about Marshall football were it not for the movie about the 1970 plane crash. Marshall, after some serious success in the early 1990s, moved up to D-1A and, thus, obscurity, in 1997. Since then they've had some decent seasons, but the overall theme (especially in recent years) has been mediocrity. Snyder lost his job mostly due to his overall record (22-37) rather than a particularly bad 2009 season. Oh, wait, he "resigned." And if you buy that, then I've got some great beachfront property in North Dakota that I would love to sell you.
Likelihood of Success: Well, the good news for Doc Holliday is that he has a kickin' nickname. Wait, I mean, he has a fairly bad conference sitting in front of him. ECU has a new head coach, Houston can't play defense, and Southern Miss is a shell of what they once were in C-USA. Mind you, Marshall isn't great, and it's unfair to expect anything more than a repeat of 2009's .500 year. I would still say Marshall might be on the upswing for the next few year, just because new blood and a coach with a history of being around decent to good teams is a recipe for success. To be fair, 5 years ago I would have written the same thing about Charlie Weis, so what the heck to I know?
Memphis Departing Coach: Tommy West
Arriving Coach: Larry Porter
Review: Do you care? No, I can virtually assure you that you don't. Even if you think you care, you really don't. Memphis wasn't bad (read: better than 3-9) in 2007 and 2008, but their 2009 season was really really bad. So they hired a new coach. I mean, it's really that simple
Likelihood of success: Is the new coach's name John Calipari? Can he unscrupulously bring talent to an otherwise barely footnote worthy school? Well, since the answers to those questions are: "No" and "Probably not," I'd say the odds of Memphis appearing as anything more as a blip on the college football radar are slim to none. Oh, but at least the football team won't have to forfeit its Final Four appearance a few years down the road.
Notre Dame Departing Coach: Charlie Weis
Arriving Coach: Brian Kelly
Review: It's hard to feel sorry for Charlie Weis. The man made millions of dollars doing a mediocre job at a school where (in theory) doing a good job shouldn't be as difficult as having 6 consecutive 10 win seasons at a school in an obscure little hovel in southwestern Virginia (Coach Beamer, I'll take cash or check). That said, it's also hard not to feel sorry for Charlie Weis. The man lived for at least 4 years with his job being threatened. He was frequently ripped by the national media, and was occasionally burned in effigy by this blogger (<-not true, added for humor). He was just expected to have a national title at a school that hasn't won an outright national championship since 1988. I was 2 at that point in time. Colorado and Washington have won a National Championship more recently than Notre Dame. Sorry, but it's just not fair to expect that sort of thing from any coach at any school at any time. National Championships in a sport as competitive as college football don't just fall out of the sky! Oh, well. Charlie's back in the NFL and dang it I'm tired so let's move to the surreptitious part of this little overly long thing:
Likelihood of success: Look, the last 3 coaches at Notre Dame have been busts. Bob Davie led Notre Dame through 5 seasons of mediocrity before getting fired. Tyrone Willingham (who many people thought got a bad rap because he was black until he screwed over Washington and everyone realized he just sucks at coaching) and Charlie Weis both disappointed, and Notre Dame hasn't had a "Notre Dame-like" (<-Read "good") season since 2006, and they haven't won a bowl that more than 17 hula dancers care about since 1993. It is very difficult to rebuild any program to national prominence after 3 straight lemon coaches, so Brian Kelly certainly has his work cut out for him. But if anyone's cut out to lead the Irish out of the wasteland then it's Kelly. Kelly still has yet to prove he can perform in a major bowl game, but thanks to the fact that Notre Dame is independent, he can make it all the way to the BCS playing the likes of Navy and Washington State. I'd say look for the Irish to bounce back from punchline status in the 2011 season after a fairly rocky 2010 year.
San Jose State Departing Coach: Dick Tomey
Arriving Coach: Mike MacIntyre
Review: Dear reader, if I had put two realistic-looking, but fake, names up there in the Departing/Arriving Coach blurbs, would you have known? If I had put "Jackson Hargreaves" and "Shawn McGrady" up there you would have had no idea. That is the level of relevance of San Jose State football right now.
Likelihood of success: SJSU is in the WAC, meaning they have to overcome the Boise State hurdle. On the bright side, unlike the previously mentioned and maligned Louisiana Tech Bulldogs, they had an awful 2009, going 2-10. Thus, if Coach MacIntyre is able to go, say, 5-7, he'll put himself on the radar for a much better job. Which would really be good, because coaching for San Jose State is going to suck.
South Florida Departing Coach: Jim Leavitt
Arriving Coach: Skip Holtz
Review: South Florida has lost the only football coach it has ever known. Jim Leavitt led the team from the time it was a theoretical entity up to the 2009 season. During that time the squad went from 1-AA to 1-A (still not FBS) and joined an Automatic Qualifying conference. In 2007, the Bulls rose to #2 in the BCS rankings before plummeting back down to a 9-4 season. Ever since then South Florida has hung around the middle of the Big East, which would be more of an accomplishment if it weren't the Big East. But then, tragedy struck. Well, more accurately, Coach Leavitt struck. A player. In the locker room. Then he lied about it. So, yeah. Kinda awkward there. Leavitt was unceremoniously dropped from the team he had basically created, and South Florida was left looking for a coach, whom they found in the form of Skip Holtz.
Likelihood of success: Look, never bet against the Holtz's. Yes, I do have some sort of weird "thing" about Lou Holtz, but seriously, Lou is one of the all-time greats, and Skip turned ECU around after two consecutive seasons that can only be described as "godawful". The pieces are all in place at South Florida: Good coach, reasonably good players, good recruiting grounds, and a weak conference. Look for USF in a BCS bowl sometime very, very soon. Not this year though. This year they'll go 9-3 and play in some mid-level bowl game.
Tennessee Departing Coach: Lane Kiffin
Arriving Coach: Derek Dooley
Review: One mediocre season after taking over the Big Orange, Lane Kiffin bolts in uber-weasel fashion. Sorry, but I can't say anything positive about the way Kiffin left and tried to take some of his best recruits with him. No worries, though, as Lane and his little band of ship-jumpers will spend 2 glorious bowl-free years at Southern Cal watching schools like Wyoming get to have all the post-season fun. Tennessee, meanwhile, has a mess to clean up, and one can only hope that the fans in Knoxville are willing to sit through at least one more season of mediocrity before getting some results
Likelihood of success: Dooley's dad had success at Georgia. So much so that it might create unfair expectations for his son. The big challenge at Tennessee is to get over the hump in the SEC. Being a middle of the road SEC team is akin to being a good ACC or Big East team. The problem is beating Florida or Alabama or LSU. The likelihood of that happening in the near future? Not good...
Texas Tech Departing Coach: Mike Leach
Arriving Coach: Tommy Tuberville
Review: It's good to see Tuberville getting a job. It's even better to see a guy who locked a kid with a concussion in a closet gone. To be fair, like most twentysomethings I get most of my sports from ESPN, meaning that the reports were probably a bit biased considering the kid in question was analyst Craig James' son. The counterpoint to that is that Leach's "walk the plank" attitude probably merited a firing before he stupidly abused a kid with direct access to the world's largest sports media outlet. Oops.
Likelihood of success: Well, Tuberville has taken over a team that ran an unbelievably pass heavy spread for the last 9 years or so, and the last time he was on a team running a spread offense didn't go so hot. As a matter of fact, the little experiment cost him his job eventually. That said, Tuberville's genius lies in defense, an area in which most Big 12 teams are sorely lacking. The result? Well, it could mean that given enough time to retool the team, Tuberville could have great success. The only other team to claim to be defense heavy in the Big 12 in recent years has been the Nebraska Cornhuskers, a team that went from punching bag to one-second away from the BCS in the span of 2 seasons. This year could be rough in Lubbock, but given enough time Tuberville will turn it around.
UNLV Departing Coach: Mike Sanford
Arriving Coach: Bobby Hauck
Review: UNLV isn't even popular in its own city, so the advantage here is that sucking won't attract too much attention. The disadvantage of coaching in Las Vegas, obviously, is getting a bunch of teenagers and 20-22 year olds to concentrate on football in a city renowned for drinking, gambling, and cheap buffets. Sanford couldn't do it; he went 16-43, having one season with more than 4 wins in 5 years at the school.
Likelihood of success: Not good at all. As if the distractions of Las Vegas weren't enough, the coaching staff also has to compete with TCU and Utah and BYU in what easily the best non-Automatic Qualifying conference. So, good luck Coach Hauck. If you go to the casinos alot, I'd bet on whoever's playing UNLV that week...
USC Departing Weasel Scumbag: Pete Carroll
Arriving Weasel Scumbag: Lane Kiffin
Review: Since most of the last post was about this, and since this post is like 18 pages long, I am of the opinion that I can be fairly light on this topic right now. Suffice it to say that Southern Cal was caught cheating, and Pete, being a rat, jumped off of the sinking ship as quickly as he could. The one tiny bit of vindication here is that his protege is now stuck with the sanctions for cheating that the NCAA leveled against the school. Which seems a bit odd, as Pete got off completely free. Well, he does have to coach the Seahawks now. That might be punishment enough.
Likelihood of success: None. When you're used to competing for national titles and conference championships, a 2 year ban on postseason play means that you've already failed in 2010 and 2011. Check back slightly before the end of the world in 2012.
Virginia Departing Coach: Al Groh
Arriving Coach: Mike London
Review: Coach Groh bowed out from the University of Virginia at Charlottesville with extreme grace. Probably more grace than was deserved by those tie wearing snobs. (Sorry, Hokie fan writing, excuse the bias.) Coach Groh will be missed by Virginia Tech fans, not least because the Hokies had an 8-1 record against him. On a serious note, Coach Groh was amazingly gracious and kind to Virginia Tech after the horrific events of April 16, 2007. He never could lead Virginia to an ACC championship, and his coaching was sub-par for most of his career at UVa. He's an alright guy, though, and for that he will truly be missed.
Likelihood of success: The ACC isn't overly good, and Mike London led the Richmond Spiders to their only NCAA Championship thus far. Putting two and two together, here, UVa has a very real chance to be good in the near future. Virginia will still have to get the pieces in place, as their defense bled points for most of the 2009 season. London, however, is a defensive guy, so look for the Cavaliers to make noise in the ACC sometime around 2011 or 2012.
Western Kentucky Departing Coach: David Elson
Arriving Coach: Willie Taggart
Review: THIS is how I have to finish my labor of love? Well, crap. OK, here: WKU was a good 1-AA team that moved up and immediately did one thing: lose. They lost frequently, and they haven't won a game since September of 2008. Color me unimpressed.
Likelihood of success: Well, the good news here is that you can't do any worse than last season. Don't look for Western Kentucky in the polls. Actually, don't look for Western Kentucky at all, as doing so would require you to go to Kentucky...
Aaaaand that's it. An overview of all 22 of the coaching changes in college football between the 2009 and 2010 seasons. Hope it's enough to tide you over until someone writes something stupid for me to mock before the season starts...
