Bowl (P)Review: December 31

December 31st. The final day of the old year, one which was somewhat disappointing for those of us who are utter fanatics of college football.

Sure, there were some compelling storylines (5 undefeated teams, Iowa making a deep run despite nearly losing to just about everyone, Bobby Bowden's impending firing, Southern Cal being bad, etc.) and some compelling single events (a thriller in Blacksburg, Legarette Blount sucker punching a guy on the first night of the season, Stanford running up the score on Southern Cal, etc.) but 2009 lacked the general weirdness of 2007 and 2008. Still, 'twas a good season overall, and the year wasn't that bad, either. So as the decade ends, we shall evaluate the last college football to be played this calendar year, starting wiiiiiiith...

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
Houston vs. Air Force

Anyone else find it odd that Bell Helicopter sponsors a bowl? Yes, I understand Bell has made many types of helicopters for the US military for many, many years. But still, don't you want your bowl to be sponsored by something that people can buy realistically? Take the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. You watch it, you get hungry, you remember the bowl name, you buy some Chick-Fil-A. I'm not sure that this theory works with helicopters:

Wife: Honey! We need to go to Aunt Martha's in Wisconsin!
Husband [quietly, to himself]: Hmmm, that's quite a drive. [looks at television, showing this bowl game, sees bowl sponsor] I've got it! We shall purchase a helicopter and fly to Aunt Martha's!
Wife: Sweetie, we can buy plane tickets for roughly one thousand times less than the cost of a helicopter.
Husband: [shouted, at top of lungs] CURSE YOU BOWL GAME!!!!!

[end scene]

(PS, to the American Theatre Wing: You can send me my Tony in the mail.)

Your football analysis can be found below...

Should I watch this game? Well, do you like conflicting styles? Then yes. Houston's got one of the best offenses in the country, and they averaged 43.9 points per game. Air Force, meanwhile, allows only 15.3 points per game, and has the best pass defense in the country, something that should worry pass-wacky Houston. This is going to be a ridiculously close game to call, and as bad as I've been on my picks, you should take this one as a complete shot in the dark. I have no idea who will win this game.

CFR Pick: I've belittled Houston all year, and I will continue to do so. I'm picking Air Force, since I think defense trumps offense more than the other way around.


Brut Sun Bowl
Oklahoma vs #21 Stanford

Well, Oklahoma's season pretty much defines "disappointing" doesn't it? Starting out in the top 5, coming off a season where you played in the national title game, you expect better than a Sun Bowl berth at the end of the year. Losing your superstar tight end and quarterback surely didn't help the Sooners, but I'm not sure that they would have done that much better with Bradford. Maybe 2 more wins, but lest we forget, Oklahoma was only up 10-7 on BYU when Bradford got hurt the first time. Even with a healthy Sam Bradford, Oklahoma might have only made it to the Cotton Bowl.

Stanford, on the other hand, had a surprisingly good year with a surprisingly good running back. Toby Gerhart. Gerhart played his way into the Heisman conversation, and he ran over some of the Pac-10's better teams. Stanford, however, has trouble with non-Pac-10 foes this year, beating mediocre Notre Dame by only 7 and losing to a Wake Forest team that ended up going 5-7. With the Pac-10 1-2 in bowls right now (by the way, thanks Cal and Oregon State...), Stanford has to show that they can beat the best non-conference foe that they've faced all year. This game will really give us a good picture of the Pac-10's strength or weakness.

Should I watch this game? Yes, actually. Game should be a good one, and it will be interesting to see if Oklahoma's defense (which has been spotty at times, yet good at others) can keep Gerhart from gaining 200 yards. I, for one, think they can.

CFR Pick: Another toss up in a day of good games. I'm taking Oklahoma in this one, assuming that they all make it onto the field without separating shoulders and tearing ACLs. The Pac-10 may have "something to prove" but I doubt this is the game in which they'll prove it.

Texas Bowl
Navy vs. Missouri

Wait, the state of Texas sponsors a bowl? That's impressive. I look forward to seeing if Navy's triple option offense can run the ball against Missouri. It'll be a sight to see, I'm sure. Missouri's run defense is 12th in the nation, but they play in the normally pass wacky Big 12. It will be interesting to see how they perform against a Navy rush offense that is 4th in the country. Navy played inferior competition most of the year, but their only loss to a non-bowl team is a defeat at the hands of pathetic Hawaii. Missouri, meanwhile comes in riding a 3 game win streak. It should be 5, but they lost to Baylor somehow.

Should I watch this game? Yes, especially since this day and the two that follow it are all about watching teams you normally don't get to. Plus, this game should be pretty good, what with the defensive/offensive matchup. Plus, the option is always fun to watch, even if you fail at it.

CFR Pick: I'll take Missouri, but that might be more of a guess...

Insight Bowl
Iowa State vs. Minnesota

Two of the barely bowl worthy teams from two pretty bad conferences (Texas notwithstanding) (Oh, while we're on that subject, how'd Iowa State end up in the Big 12?). Honestly, I'm not sure how Minnesota finished bowl eligible. They finished below non-bowl eligible Purdue in conference. That's insane! It really blows my tiny little mind.

To be fair, the game's on the NFL network, meaning that if you could watch it, you also have a lot of TV channels. And something, anything, else must be on. Heck, I'm not even sure why the NFL would agree to take this garbage. I guess it's because either of these teams could beat the Rams.

Should I watch this game? Two 6-6 teams battling it out in a bowl that means almost nothing. I'd rather watch Army play Notre Dame in the 10,000 Flushes Toilet Bowl. I can't watch this one, since I don't have NFL Network. Even if I could watch the game, I highly doubt that I would.

CFR Pick: Eeeeeh...I don't know. Tough call, really. Minnesota's 0-2 overall in this game. Iowa State's 1-0. I'll take the Cyclones, with no degree of confidence at all.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl
Virginia Tech vs Tennessee

The matchup of the night. Indeed, the matchup I've been eagerly waiting for ever since the announcement. As avid readers know, I went to two college football games this year: one in Blacksburg, VA and one in Knoxville, TN. This game should be a good one, featuring two defenses that are pretty good and two bad offenses. How bad? Well, Virginia Tech's put up some impressive point totals this year, but those point totals normally came against bad teams. 7 of their 24 points against Alabama came on a kick return, they only scored 16 against ECU and Nebraska, and they managed just 17 points at home against Carolina in their loss to the sticky feet back in October. Yes, Tech comes in riding a win streak, but note that the 42-13 final against UVa is belied by the fact that Tech was up 14-13 at the half. Plus, here's a weird statistic for you:

Virginia Tech's record in the city of Atlanta in 2009: 0-2
Virginia Tech's record any place on earth other than Atlanta in 2009: 9-1

Maybe all that time in Blacksburg made the Tech players wary of flashing lights and car horns and indoor plumbing...

Tennessee, meanwhile, keeps getting positive press. I've heard at least 2 ESPN announcers say that they're playing "really good football" right now. Really? Tennessee's won 4 of its last 5 games. If you do absolutely no research whatsoever, that looks good. Then you look at the games: crushed South Carolina (legit), beat Memphis (cupcake, doesn't count), got killed by Ole Miss (self-explanatory), beat Vandy (conference cupcake, doesn't count), beat Kentucky in overtime (Kentucky went to a bowl, so we'll call this one legit). Look, I agree that the Vols are not pushovers and should not be thought of as such. But to call wins over 2 bowl teams, 2 awful teams, and a loss to the underachievers at Mississippi "really good football" is a bit of an overstatement, dontcha think?

Should I watch this game? Yes, because it will be a good one. Lots of defense, lots of run plays. Game should be over in plenty of time for New Year's Rockin' Eve. Really, who doesn't love Dick Clark? Oh, and my favorite team's playing. I might be a wee bit biased.

CFR Pick: As bad as I'm doing at picking games, plus considering the awfulness that is the ACC, I shudder to do this. But I'm picking Virginia Tech. I won't ever pick against 'em. You all already knew that, so it does boggle the mind a bit as to why you're reading this. Let's end this post...

So that's all for the 5 games on the 31st. Stay tuned (or see above if you're reading this one later) for a review of bowl week 2 and the preview of the New Year's Day games.

Bowl (P)review: Week 2

After that disastrous first week, we're going to go to December 30. The 31st, 1st, and 2nd will be the subject of their own previews, as they are simply too massive to wrangle all at once. Hopefully my picks are better for this one. They can't be much worse, eh? Moving along, allow me to offend. First up...Clemson fans!

December 27, 2009

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
Clemson vs. Kentucky

What's it say about Clemson's division of the ACC that they lost the ACC Championship Game and slid to the 5th best bowl the ACC has to offer? While we're on the subject, what's it say about the conference as a whole that Clemson nearly won the ACC title game? Either way, this will be a matchup between two teams that frankly aren't that good. They're major conference teams that are both glad to be in bowls, but neither team is jaw-droppingly good. Other than CJ Spiller, who is an amazing kick returner, and an alright running back. Yes, he's just "alright" as a running back. And before you point me to his awesome stats in the ACC Championship Game, please take a gander at his 18 yard game against South Carolina. Clemson's a mediocre team without Spiller, and they're a barely-above mediocre squad with him.

Now that I've really offended the Spiller-worshiping Clemson fans (SIDE NOTE: Come burn me in effigy on the quad! December 26, 2009 at 2:30! Coach Dabo Swinney will provide a speech, and Clemson's Campus Outreach will bring refreshments!) allow me to offend Kentucky. I'm predicting a turnout of, like, 14 Kentucky fans at this game. Basketball season's started. The evil weasel named John Calipari is coaching Kentucky's highly-paid, illiterate team to a Final Four season that they'll have to vacate in a few years. Kentucky fans don't care one tiny bit about football now, and it will show when their half-full side of the stadium gleams in the Memphis sun. On the bright side, if you live in West Tennessee, cheap tickets!

Should I watch this game? Watch the kickoffs and punts to see Spiller do well. You can nap through the rest.

CFR Pick: Clemson by at least 14. Kentucky ain't all that great, and Clemson is superior to them. Plus, Clemson fans might actually show up to the game, since their basketball team is skipping the usual December charade and is starting to suck now, rather than in March. (Remember, the effigy burning is at 2:30, Clemson fans. There's nothing else to do in your abyss of a state. You may as well come!)

December 28, 2009
Advocare V100 Independence Bowl
Texas A&M vs. Georgia

Texas A&M really only did one semi-important thing this year. That semi-important thing? They stuck with Texas and sent a shiver down the spines of all Longhorn fans. They did not, however, beat Texas, so it's sort of irrelevant. Georgia, meanwhile, underachieved most of the year (upset over rival Georgia Tech notwithstanding) and is looking for a new defensive coordinator. Bud Foster (of Virginia Tech) already turned them down, and the rumor right now is that they'll be looking at Tommy Tuberville, formerly of Auburn. So, basically, we have 2 teams from major conferences here, neither of whom did very well.

Should I watch this game? Yeah, probably. Take the edge off that first day back from Christmas vacation, plus you'll get to see some decent football.

CFR Pick: Never pick a Big 12 team over an SEC team if you can help it. I can help it. Ergo, UGA wins this one.

December 29, 2009
EagleBank Bowl
UCLA vs. Temple

UCLA was the last team in the country to get a bowl bid. They're only in a bowl because Army couldn't seal the deal against Navy last week. Translation: UCLA is barely bowl worthy. Temple, meanwhile, flew under the radar for most of the year, but they're one of those pleasant surprises. Temple was a joke for many, many years, and it's good to see that they're in a bowl. Yes, bowls mean less than they used to, but for a team like Temple, this is a major victory.

Should I watch this game? Well, Temple hasn't been in a bowl since 1979. You can watch a little bit of history being made during this one. If you're looking for good football, mind you, you might have to wait until the Miami/Wisconsin game later in the day.

CFR Pick: UCLA will win, but Temple should keep it close.

Champs Sports Bowl
#15 Miami vs #25 Wisconsin

Miami's an alright football team, one of the better in the sea of mediocrity that is the Atlantic Coast Conference. Wisconsin, in a similar vein, is an alright team in the sea of mediocrity that is the Big 10 + 1. Neither of these teams did great: Miami's excellent start against 4 straight ranked teams was eventually outweighed by their spluttering down the stretch, while Wisconsin started slowly, but got things together for most of the middle of the season. Wisconsin spluttered early, Miami spluttered late. On the bright side, Miami only lost one game in the state of Florida this year, and their fans are much more apt to be in attendance during this game.

Should I watch this game? Yes, as this one and the Orange Bowl will help answer one of this season's biggest questions: Who's worse? The ACC or the Big 10? Should the game end in overtime, I believe we can all settle on a tie.

CFR Pick: Wisconsin's failed to impress all season. They will continue to do so. I like Miami to win this one by at least 10. failed to beat any ranked teams this season. The bad news for

December 30, 2009

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl

Bowling Green vs. Idaho

If a bowl game happens in Idaho and no one's around to watch it, does it really happen?

Should I watch this game? Well, no. It's going to happen Wednesday at 4:30, you should probably be at work. Also, if you care about Idaho and/or Bowling Green, then my condolences. I'm cycling through this one quickly, in case you can't tell.

CFR Pick: Bowling Green, I think that their defense is better than Idaho's, meaning that they will hold Idaho to "only" 50 points. Idaho might allow 70. Again.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl

#20 Arizona vs. #22 Nebraska

Nebraska was one second away from playing in a BCS bowl, but I'm sure that they'll take this one, an improvement over last year's placement in the Outback Bowl. Arizona, meanwhile, is coming off of a big win over Southern Cal, and could do really well. This matchup is intriguing, as it is a case of a decent, but not anywhere near great, Pac-10 team meeting an awesome defense coupled with an atrocious offense. This game might have a total of 10 points or less.

Should I watch this game? Yes, unequivocally. This game should be very evenly matched, and if you have any appreciation for defensive football, then you will likely love this game.

CFR Pick: I'm picking Nebraska. Given how well my last week went, this might actually anger some of my friends. Oh, well.

Until next time, those are the picks. Our next preview will be of the 31st of December and the five, count 'em, five games that will be played on that day. Merry Christmas, everyone!

I got one right! I mean, Bowl Review: Day 4

Ah, sarcasm saves me again...thanks, SMU! Shall we overview? I believe we shall.

Hawaii Bowl
Southern Methodist-45, Nevada-10

I'm going to skip the surreptitious analysis of the game. I mean, really. It was 45-10. What's there to analyze? Instead, allow me to ask this: What does this mean for the WAC? I mean, the BCS gave us a royal screwing by having TCU and Boise play each other instead of actually going out and embarrassing a major program again. So we really don't know how good the WAC is. But we do know that Nevada had an awesome conference run and defeated all but Boise State in conference play. Plus, they gave the Broncos an excellent run for their money before going down late in the game.

When one considers that the WAC is 0-2 in their bowls thus far with Nevada getting crushed and Fresno getting upset by upstart Wyoming, the conference is in dire need of a win. Since TCU could beat Boise by 30 this season, Idaho is now the WAC's best hope to win a bowl when they play Bowling Green on the 30th.

I am merely happy to have gotten a pick right. Yeah, I don't suck too bad!

CFR Picks: 1-5

Meanwhile, and I don't know why I didn't address this last time, the Pac-10 is 0-2 in bowls. Now, Pac-10 apologists will point to all sort of various things that have happened this year, as well as the conference's bowl record in previous years. I know this because I tried to rationalize with Pac-10 fans on the ESPN forums after the Oregon State/BYU game. It is a mistake that I will not repeat.

The point is simple: The season that's going on right now, the Pac-10 is 0 for 2. End of story. You want to stop the articles and complaints? Win a game and quit making excuses. There, I said it. I feel better.

Bowl Review: Day 3

The odds of me going 0-34 are one in 582076609134674077265625. Mind you, the odds of me going 0 for 5 were one in 3125. So maybe I'm special. (PS: Given odds are assuming there's a 50/50 chance that either team wins the game...) Heck, I can't get much worse at this, right? Let's run briefly over the games.

Maaco Bowl Las Vegas
#18 Oregon State-20, #14 BYU-44

Well the irony of this one is that I nearly picked BYU. "Nearly" mind you doesn't count as "did" and so I can't cling feebly to that.

The Mountain West still has the Pac-10's number, and they spent most of the night calling the Pac-10. Prank calls. Unforgivable things, and the like.

The story of this game, at least to the casual eye of an observer, was the wind. The wind, which caused 2 Oregon State punts to net 6 yards, once by pushing the ball backwards in mid-air, and then by pushing the ball into the stands. Honestly, this game was a little closer than the score would indicate, but I suppose that the difference between 24 points and 17 points matters little in the grand scheme of things. Let's move on.

CFR Picks: 0-4

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
#23 Utah-37, California-27

You know, my picks have gotten so horrible that my dad, one of the 2-5 readers this thing has, requested that I change my pick in the Pitt/UNC game. That's how horrible my picks have been. Like, if you bet money based on my picks, you have probably been shot in one or both kneecaps by now. I'm not sure I want to pick Virginia Tech to win their bowl in next week's preview. That is how bad this has gotten.

This game again showed a Pac-10 team being beaten by a Mountain West club. What's worse for that hated conference on the left coast is this: From empirical evidence available this season and last, the best conference on the West Coast is a non-automatic qualifying conference.

Utah continues to win bowl games, and Cal breaks their streak of wins as an unranked club. Right when I pick them to win. Never again, Pac-10. Never again. (PS: Southern Cal, I have never ever liked you, but please win on the 26th so I can feel like I suck less.)

CFR Picks: 0-5

I'm going to turn this into a blog about knitting or something. I can't ever be this wrong about knitting, right? Until next time...awayyyyy we go!

Bowl Review: Day 2

R + L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Southern Miss-32, Middle Tennessee-42

Well, crap. Hopefully I'll do better at bowl picking than my current 0-3. On the bright side, this one featured Southern Miss in their away jerseys, meaning that we didn't get blinded by the canary yellow.

Honestly, this game wasn't as close as the score indicates, Southern Miss's last touchdown was utterly meaningless, scored to close the gap from 16 points down to a more manageable 10 with only 27 seconds left. Middle Tennessee's quarterback, Dwight Dasher ran for 200 yards AND threw for 162. Hard to lose when your quarterback puts up those kind of numbers. That's all I got...

CFR Pick count: 0-3

Bowl Review: Day 1

Oops.


Oh, you don't know why I typed that? The short version is because there were 2 bowls today and I missed on both of my predictions. I'll repay you with a timely post:

New Mexico Bowl
Fresno State-28, Wyoming-35 (2OT)

You know, if you ignore the fact that these were two mediocre teams, this was actually a very good game. Good hard hits, a thrilling comeback in regulation, and some good overtime play. My thoughts?

Well, in the first overtime, Fresno State successfully got the ball down onto the one yard line of Wyoming and managed to do nothing in 4 tries...That's actually a credit to Wyoming's defense, as it is just about impossible to stop 4 straight runs up the middle. Fresno State did nothing wrong, and I hope that this episode doesn't encourage more coaches to try play action or sweep plays from the 1 yard line. Since it occurred in a fairly obscure bowl between two fairly obscure teams, I'm sure that won't be the case.

Any hoo, in the next overtime, Wyoming played it safe and went for the field goal. In footage that you can no doubt catch on youtube or ESPN, the kicker missed, but Wyoming players and fans were already headed onto the field. Look, guys, the football's in the air for, like, 3 seconds. Can't you wait for the referee to signal? Is that so hard? Premature celebrations bug the heck out of me, especially in light of the fact that, had Fresno won the game, the sting would have been made much more bitter. Kinda like what happened to Kentucky in this nifty link. So fans, I beseech you, wait for the refs' signal. It's not too hard, it doesn't take too long, and it keeps you from looking like an idiot...

Finally, for this game at least, take note that Fresno tried the ol' "offensive lineman gets the ball" trick again in the second overtime. If you'll recall, this happened during the last week of the regular season (second, equally nifty, link) during the final play against Illinois. This time it was intentional. Ironically, this time it didn't work. I'm not sure what that should tell us, but I'm sure it tells us something.

Congrats to Wyoming on winning their first bowl since 2004, and only their second since 1966. Also, congrats on starting bowl season off right!

CFR Pick counter: 0-1

St. Petersburg Bowl presented by Beef 'O' Brady's
Rutgers-45, UCF-24

See the post below this one? Where it says UCF will upset Rutgers? Yeah, whoever wrote that is an idiot.

Oh, you're still here? Well, I can analyze this one pretty simply: Once I found out exactly what Beef 'O' Brady's was, my interest in this game plummeted. I figured after the high scoring first half that we'd be in for something of a shootout. Unfortunately for those of us who thought UCF might win, they left their offense in the locker room for the 3rd quarter, and an 11 point halftime lead became an insurmountable 21 point 4th quarter lead. The onside kick attempt that was run back for a touchdown probably didn't help...

Congrats to Rutgers, you beat a team from an inferior conference. Since you play in the Big East and played one of the worst nonconference schedules imaginable (Howard, Florida International, Maryland and Texas Southern), that's basically what you've done all year. Nice job.

CFR Picks: 0-2

Tune in tomorrow to see if I'm really as bad at this as it seems!

Bowl (P)Review: Week One

So bowl season is juuuuust about here. I know you're thinking: why do I care? And the answer for the first week is: "I don't know." The first 7 days of bowl season are rather underwhelming, but writing up a review of all 34 at once with my over-long writing style would create a document longer than the US Constitution. And just as important, I might add! (Satirical side note: The US Government ignores both my blog and the Constitution) For bowl season, there will be a weekly preview and day-by-day reviews. (Well, that's the plan...we all know how great I am at updating this thing.)

Moving along, our order will be chronological, and I'll even tell you if you who I think will win, and if you should even bother to watch the bowl in question. This week's more of an appetizer than a main course. Which is regrettable, as this appetizer is like getting a chicken wing and a plate full of goo. I will leave you to determine which of the following games is the "chicken wing" in the above metaphor. We go!

December 19, 2009
New Mexico Bowl
Fresno State vs. Wyoming

Well, the first bowl of the year takes place in an obscure state between two obscure teams that roughly 7 people care about. Fresno played a challenging schedule against several good teams. Wyoming, meanwhile, played Texas close for 1 quarter, then faded to 5th in its conference, getting a bowl berth by beating similarly mediocre Colorado State in its final game. The outcome doesn't look too brilliant for the Cowboys, though they are in their first bowl since 2004. So there's something to cling to.

Should I watch this bowl? Well, if you have nothing to do on Saturday at 4:30, sure. If you have something better to do (examples: brush your teeth for 3 hours, repaint your ceiling, take a nap) then I'd say do that.

CFR pick: Fresno State should win this one. That's all I got...

St. Petersburg Bowl presented by Beef 'O' Brady's
UCF vs. Rutgers

You know, I get the feeling that bowl season would be better if the good bowls were spaced out a bit, to build the excitement. Central Florida and Rutgers play in this game which should have better quality football than Wyoming/Fresno, but is that really saying all that much? Rutgers had a pretty disappointing year, especially when one considers their 8 wins ring hollow due to their awful conference and their fairly bad non-conference schedule. The Scarlet Knights only played one major conference opponent outside of the Big East, and that opponent was Maryland; the worst team in the pretty darn bad ACC. UCF, meanwhile, played multiple good teams and lost to most of them. They did, however, beat a ranked Houston team, which is more impressive than the ranked team Rutgers beat: South Florida.

Should I watch this? Honestly? I'm going to watch this game just to hear how many times they say the sponsor's name. "Beef 'O' Brady's" is just fun to say. Do I have any idea what the heck it is? No. Which is another reason to watch! Oh, you want a valid football reason to watch this game? There are none unless you're a Rutgers or UCF fan. Condolences if you are, by the way.

CFR pick: I'm picking Central Florida for the upset. I am going to watch this game only because I love you, dear readers, and I am willing to punish myself for your entertainment.

December 20, 2009
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Southern Mississippi vs. Middle Tennessee State

I love bowl season. As I understand it, it's a feast of football. Unfortunately, these first three games serve as atrocious appetizers. It'd be like going to a swanky restaurant and having someone offer you fish heads as your appetizer. Sure, you'll be getting filet mignon after a bit, but the fish heads are hard to swallow. This particular bowl, for example, features two middling teams from two middling conferences. At least the diversity in play style will be nice: MTSU is a defensive team, while Southern Miss is offensively minded. Unfortunately, to watch this game one must look directly at Southern Miss's bright yellow unis, which can cause blindness, as shown below:


Sorry, folks. I had to warn you, though...

Should I watch this game? Look at the photo above. Are you nauseated? If yes, then don't watch the game. If no, keep reading.
Look at the matchup of the two teams. Did you know these teams existed? If no, then don't watch the game. If yes, then stop playing so much NCAA on your Playstation and still don't watch the game.

CFR Prediction: Southern Miss wins thanks to a good running game and the fact that they'll play a Sun Belt team.

December 22, 2009
MAACO Bowl Las Vegas
#18 Oregon State vs. #14 BYU

A bowl featuring two ranked teams! Oh my gosh! Bowl season has begun!

No, seriously, this actually should be a pretty good game. Sadly, it features two teams that fit the definition of "pretty good." "Pretty good" means you don't lose games to teams that you're supposed to beat, but it also means that you don't upset many opponents. In this case, the greatest contribution either of these teams made to the season was BYU's defense hurting Sam Bradford. Oregon State climbed into the Top 25 by beating a series of bad teams during conference play. Really, I can't say much more about this one. Here's hoping that it's better than that Southern Miss/MTSU game...

Should I watch this game? Well, it's the first matchup of semi-decent teams during bowl season, plus it's the only football game on Tuesday. Tuesday's a pretty dry night for TV. Need proof? I'm typing this on a Tuesday. We're watching an episode of Dirty Jobs where they're working with cows that have windows in them. I am not joking. You should watch this game, if only for your sanity.

CFR Pick: I'm picking Oregon State. Oregon State was not great but they finished second in a major conference against major conference competition. BYU finished second in their conference; a minor conference with one good team. They beat Oklahoma (a win that got less and less impressive as the weeks wore on), got killed by Florida State (a loss that got worse and worse as the weeks wore on), and never stood a chance against TCU. So...that's why I'm picking Oregon State. Mind you, last season the Pac-10 was 1-5 against Mountain West teams, so I could be wrong.

December 23, 2009
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
#23 Utah vs. California

Another MWC/Pac-10 matchup. I imagine that these sort of things get people into seats, especially in California. Here on the east coast, however, we don't care all that much. Utah's a far cry from the dominant team of last season, and the California Golden Bears were incredibly spotty this season. This game's a bit of a toss up, depending totally on which California team shows up: The one that knocked off Stanford at Stanford? Or the one that lost 42-3 and 30-3 in consecutive weeks to Oregon and Southern Cal, respectively. Note that the teams that killed Cal were the teams that Stanford defeated later in the season. Welcome to the Pac-10, arguably the most muddled conference in the country. Utah's the third-best team in the Mountain West, which isn't really an insult when you consider that the BEST team in the Mountain West is TCU. Plus, Utah is a boring state.

Should I watch this game? Yes, since this should be a good game featuring two fairly good teams. Also, since it's not played in Utah or Ohio, the game will be in a place that doesn't suck.

CFR Pick: Cal's undefeated when unranked. I'm picking them. That is the reason why. Is it a good reason? No. But you know what? It's as likely to be right as any of the other picks.

December 24, 2009
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Nevada vs. Southern Methodist

You know, last year Notre Dame won this bowl, and started the year ranked because a victory in the Hawaii bowl proved that they were "back." This season, of course, proved that they were not. Southern Methodist, meanwhile, is back in its first bowl since the 1980's. For those of you who don't know, SMU is the only football program to ever get the "Death Penalty." (The fact that about 100 other teams should have gotten some sort of similar penalty is irrelevant...) SMU has finally made a partial recovery after 22 years of mediocrity. Way to go, Mustangs. As for Nevada, they're one of the better teams in the WAC. So Conference USA and the WAC get to go to Hawaii? And two major conference teams have had to go to Idaho for their bowl in the past? What the heck, man?

Should I watch this game? I doubt it. It'll just make you want to go to Hawaii, and it could lead to you becoming a fan of mediocre teams like SMU or Nevada. And no one wants that, right?

CFR Pick: Southern Methodist to win this game, then, since they won the Hawaii Bowl and had their first decent season since the '80s, Lou Holtz will pick them to win the national title in 2010.

December 26, 2009
Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl
Marshall vs. Ohio

An obscure school from West Virginia plays an unimportant school from the scar on the face of the earth known as Ohio. To add to the awfulness, the two teams play one another in Detroit. I know Michigan's been hit hard by the recession, but hard enough to host a bowl game featuring a MAC school and a .500 Conference USA school? Poor state. Oh, and as a final note, ESPN has this ranked as the worst bowl game this season. Hard to disagree with that one.

Should I watch this bowl? Are you a US interrogator? Do you need information out of an Al-Qaeda operative who won't talk? Sit him in a chair, tape open his eyes, and make him watch this game. He'll crack by the first commercial break. All other people should steer clear.

CFR Pick: My pick? The remote, so I won't have to watch this crap. As for a team to win? Ohio.

Meineke Car Care Bowl
#17 Pittsburgh vs. North Carolina

You have to feel for Pitt. They're one badly blown lead away from playing in a BCS game. Instead they wind up here, in a bowl game named for a company that is known for fixing George Foreman's brakes. Carolina, meanwhile, went on a hot streak starting the last weekend of October. Unfortunately for them, that hot streak ended the last week of the season when they lost to lowly NC State. Come to think of it, Pitt lost to NC State, too. At least they have that in common. This game will feature two teams that can really only wonder what might have been this season: Carolina fizzled early, Pitt fizzled late. Anyone else get the feeling this bowl should have been sponsored by a soda company?

Should I watch this game: Yes, especially since it's an opportunity to wash the taste of that previous one out of your mouth. Also, it'll be interesting to see if Pitt can redeem itself. The last time they beat an ACC team was September 2, 2006. The team they beat? UVa...

CFR Pick: Well, Pitt's a good team. A ranked team, even. They should defeat Carolina easily. Which is why I'm picking UNC. Carolina's lost to UVa and NC State this year. They beat Miami and Virginia Tech. The way Carolina's been playing, they'll beat the superior Pitt Panthers. Don't ask me why.

Emerald Bowl
Boston College vs. #24 Southern Cal

You know, if you'd told me at the beginning of the year that Southern Cal would wind up in a low-caliber bowl, I'd have been pleased with you, yet assumed that you know nothing of how college football works. See, stuff just happens for Southern Cal. They've been to 7 BCS bowls in the 7 seasons prior to this one. Other than their one (pronounced "one!" not "two," Coach Carroll) National Title season, the Trojans have consistently lost one game per year to the worse teams in the Pac-10. Yet the other good teams in the Pac-10 always roll over and die when Southern Cal comes to town, and SC goes to the Rose Bowl every dang year. So it's refreshing to see the Ketchup and Mustard finish tied for 5th in their conference, above only 4 teams, only one of which is headed to a bowl. Heck, had Southern Cal not played San Jose State and Notre Dame, they'd be in danger of not going bowling at all. Does this have anything to do with the bowl? No, but I just thought you'd like your weekly dose of USC hating...

Boston College, meanwhile, is an overachieving team. This doesn't mean they'll win.

Should I watch this game? It's an opportunity to see Southern Cal AND hear, inevitably, about Matt Ryan. Now, note that Matt's been out of college for 2 years now. I guarantee that if you drank a shot of whiskey each time Matt Ryan's name is said during this game that you'd be hammered by the end of the 1st quarter. I'd recommend avoiding this one, and instead playing with your day-old Christmas presents. Or nursing your day-long post-Christmas hangover.

CFR Pick: Picking Southern Cal to win, hoping that the game gets canceled when Pete Carroll's ego causes the stadium to collapse under its weight.

That's all for the first week of bowls. Keep checking back for game reviews and the week 2 preview!

Saturday in Review: Conference Championship Edition!

The last "normal" Saturday of the year featured arguably the best games all season, and my favorite team wasn't even playing! Let's review these games:

#1 Florida-13, #2 Alabama-32

Well, I'll admit that this one surprised me more than a little. I did expect Alabama to win, but I did not expect to see a 19 point defeat of the Swamp Lizards. 'Bama's quarterback, McElroy, looked very good against a normally excellent Florida defense that was depleted by the loss of Carlos Dunlap, their best pass-defender. Throw Mark Ingram into the mix, and you had a combination that kept the Gators defense out of sync for most of the game.

It wasn't for lack of trying on the commentators' part, as CBS's resident Florida fans Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist did their darndest to root for the Gators directly from the press box. Every time Alabama did something, Verne practically spat out the play call. Maybe he had money on the game. Or he'd been drinking again, I dunno. Either way, it was interesting to hear the announcers talk about how great of a warrior and a champion Tim Tebow is, even though Tebow had a distinctly average (not bad, just average) game.

Look, this was probably the most watched college football game thus far this season, so the odds favor that you actually saw this game and are reading this bit solely to humor me. We'll move on to bigger, better, more interesting things after this brief blurb: Alabama's defense looked excellent, and the Tide look to be heavy favorites in the National Title game against Texas. Speaking of Texas...

#3 Texas-13, #22 Nebraska-12

Well, the Longhorns are in the BCS Title game, a fact that is almost entirely due to their preseason ranking coupled with their anemic conference and their pathetic non-conference schedule. Don't get me wrong, there were six teams that were undefeated coming into championship weekend: Alabama, Florida, Texas, Cincinnati, Boise State, and TCU. Of those, only Florida and Alabama don't play in an awful conference. Only Alabama, Cincinnati, and Boise played ranked non-conference teams. My point? Well, in a season like this one, preseason rankings basically determined the National Championship matchup way back in August. There was no way any of us could have known that, but it's true. Had Cincinnati or TCU started the year a wee bit higher, then they would be in the title game and Texas would be on the outside looking in. It's just the way things go in the not-at-all-adequate method that college football uses to determine its champion.

Still, one wonders how the Longhorns will fare against an SEC defense. Colt McCoy is an excellent quarterback, but the Nebraska defense and the monster known as Ndamukong Suh, wreaked havoc on the Longhorns offensive line all night. Alabama certainly doesn't have anyone as good as Suh on its defensive line, but their all-around D might be better than Nebraska's, a thought which should terrify the Longhorn faithful.

I suppose some analysis is in order. I mean, it's what I don't get paid to do here, right? If Nebraska had something, anything, resembling a competent offense, then we'd be looking at a different score here. That's not an insult to Nebraska, they just have no offense. Look no further than the Virginia Tech game, where the Nebraska defense was superior to the Hokie offense on all but one drive, yet the Huskers lost the game because all 15 of their points came on field goals. The same can be said here, with all 12 points coming on the leg of Alex Henery. Some of these Nebraska scoring drives started ridiculously close to Texas's end zone. When a team starts a drive on the opposing team's 10 yard line, more than 3 points should result!

And, finally, there was the penultimate play. You all know what I'm talking about: Colt McCoy's inexplicable roll out on a play that started with 7 ticks left on the clock, his waiting to throw the ball until the last possible second, and the fact that the clock did at one point read 0:00. All of that happened while Texas was within field goal range and (here's the weird part) still had a timeout left! The refs did make the right call, as much as it pains me to say it. There was still 1 second left on the clock when the ball hit the ground, and Texas was completely entitled to the field goal attempt that they received. This is, however, an example of those seconds that mysteriously disappear during football games. Who knows how many times a ball gets thrown away and a second sneaks off the game clock. Moments like this are enough to make one wonder.

Any hoo, Texas's kick was good (barely) and the BCS was saved the embarrassment of having either a minor conference team (unthinkable!) or a Big East team (never!) or a Florida/Alabama rematch (honestly, probably what would have happened if Verne Lundquist ran the BCS) in the National Title game.

The best part of the postgame? The Texas players, especially those on offense, leaping about as though they'd accomplished something at the end of the game. 15 of the yards on the game winning drive were from a horse-collar tackle. The offense did almost nothing the entire night. And, here's the best bit, you beat a team that you were favored to beat by 14 by a grand total of a point. Yes, you've done so much. (NOTE: I'm being a bit extreme here. Texas is undefeated, and their offense did look good in many of their games this season. But if they think they can play the way they did on Saturday and defeat Alabama, then they are in for a bitter disappointment)

My question (which all UNC fans who still feel betrayed by Mack Brown will appreciate) is this: WHAT THE FRICK WAS THE TEXAS COACHING STAFF THINKING!?!?! Seriously, you have a shot at a title game sitting in front of you, and you choose to run a play that can very easily backfire. Nebraska's defense had hounded McCoy all night; what if they'd gotten to him? Texas's kicker hit the field goal with about half a foot of clearance to spare, meaning a sack probably results in a loss. What if the pass had been thrown and then picked off? What if the pass was completed, but thanks to slow play development the clock ran out? What if McCoy's toss had hung in the air for a second longer? That's too many factors to risk! Mack must have been wondering what to wear in Pasadena, because he sure as heck wasn't thinking of football when this play ran through his headset and was somehow approved. If Texas does somehow win the National Title, remember this play, because it will remind you just how thin the margin between championships and Cotton Bowls can be.

Yet we base our bowl system mostly (key word there, mostly) on reality rather than "what ifs" and thus does Texas skip merrily into the title game. Hats off to Nebraska for playing Texas tightly, and look for the Huskers to keep making waves in the Big 12, especially since they bother to play defense in a conference that long forgot what the 7-letter "d-word" means.

#5 Cincinnati-45, #15 Pittsburgh-44

Another near-upset turns out to be a...set. Is that the proper term for a non-upset? Or would that be a downset? Oh, well. Pitt loses at home due to a missed extra point of all things. Mind you, before we're too hasty on the kicker, let's not forget that Pitt blew a 21 point lead. And that one isn't the kicker's fault, now is it?

Congrats to Cincinnati on the undefeated season, though the afore mentioned clock management issue in the Big 12 Championship game means that the Bearcats (still an awful mascot) will not be competing for a national title. Less of a pity than a sad dose of reality. Though that sad dose of reality might turn into an overdose if Brian Kelly splits Cincinnati for Notre Dame. On one hand, I can see why Coach Kelly might stay: Secure job, the satisfaction of winning with a program he built, and a cupcake conference help. But Notre Dame has money, tradition, and (most importantly) is not in Ohio, making it a very appealing place. Either way, congrats to Cincy! Enjoy your beating by Florida in the Sugar Bowl. If Coach Kelly leaves, it might be your last BCS showing for a looooooong time.

New Mexico State-7, #6 Boise State-42

The number six team in the country beats the second worst team in its godawful conference by 35 at home. You really want a review of that? Didn't think so.

#16 Oregon State-33, #7 Oregon-37

You know, Oregon is actually a pretty good football team. I did not think, after that disaster in Boise back in September, that I'd be typing that. The Ducks deserved to win the weakened Pac-10, and they did so with a close win over their rivals.

Oregon State, meanwhile, nearly won the conference while garnering practically no attention whatsoever from the national media. Perhaps that's the key to success, as attention seems to lead to defeat at least once a season. (See also: Southern Cal every single year of the Pete Carroll era)

It will be interesting to see how the Pac-10 performs this bowl season, as they've beaten up heavily on one another during the regular season, with no one team looking that impressive. I suppose we'll see. One thing I do know: Not a single team in the conference plays defense at all. That could very well hurt come bowl time...

#10 Georgia Tech-39, Clemson-34

A real shootout between teams that lost last week. Pity that Georgia Tech won, I'd love to see the BCS explain Clemson getting into the Orange Bowl while Virginia Tech, the highest ranked team in the conference, went to play in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.

Despite my above comment, I am actually glad that the Yellow Jackets and their illegal cut blocks/really awesome run attack won. It would have looked really bad for the conference to have had its highest ranked team lose to its rival then lose to an unranked school in the championship.

This game was actually pretty good. Just so long as you ignore the fact that these two were the best teams in the ACC, yet they'd be the 5th and 7th best teams in the SEC. Neither team brought a defense to the game, and the result was a high-flying scoring bonanza. Georgia Tech is headed to the Orange Bowl as the ACC's lone BCS team, while Clemson gets the honor of playing Kentucky in the Music City Bowl...

Arizona-21, #18 USC-17

Ahem...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OK, let's try and analyze this one. Southern Cal runs up the score on a helpless UCLA squad, and then gets beaten at home by Arizona. The Men of Troy have gone from perennial power to 5th place in a 10 team conference. When you factor in that this conference includes the cupcake known as Washington State, this year was a massive disappointment for the Trojans.

Southern Cal deserved this, and frankly I hope Boston College smacks them around in their bowl.

Arizona, meanwhile, was a surprise this season. Way to go, Wildcats! After, like, 5 years of being predicted to do something, you finally finished higher than 4th in the conference!

#19 California-10, Washington-42

California's record as a ranked team: 5-4
Cal's record as an unranked team: 3-0

Washington's record against teams from California: 2-2
Washington's record against other states: 3-5

There's some weird facts for you. I figure I'd be equal and give y'all facts for both the teams. I look forward to watching Cal win their bowl, since they're playing Utah and they're unranked. Washington, meanwhile, beat 2 ranked teams this season, and they've been fairly mediocre in all their other games. Movin' right along...

#21 Houston-32, ECU-38

Houston's quarterback Case Keenum is really really good at throwing the football. Unfortunately for Mr. Keenum, the Houston defense sucks. The result? Games like this one, which featured Houston doing next to nothing defensively, and allowing ECU to pull the upset against Conference-USA's reigning hype machine.

ECU has won the conference for the second year, and will be headed to the run down slag heap known as the "Liberty Bowl" as a reward. The bowl has plenty of prestige, but the stadium is in awful shape. Houston will be playing in the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl (I didn't make that one up!) against Air Force.

I wonder, even though Houston is favored, is it an upset if the Cougars win? Air Force clearly has the favor of the bowl's sponsor and the bowl's name. Idle wondering, I suppose. Let's move along...

#23 West Virginia-24, Rutgers-21

Special thanks to the Big East conference for allowing us to watch their mediocre brand of football when the larger conferences have championship games.

West Virginia's not been so great this year, and Rutgers has been awful. Look, I'm taking it slower this week. The last two took it out of me, and bowl season's taxing on everyone!

Still, here's one last look at the Bottom 95:

On Thursday, Western Kentucky completed the imperfect season. 0-12! Harder, apparently, than going 12-0...Central Michigan beat Ohio for the MAC championship. No one, not even the MAC, cares...Fresno State beat Illinois on a two point conversion that was caught by an offensive lineman. That's my nominee for Play of the Year...Wisconsin crushed Hawaii...UConn beat South Florida in a snowy game in Connecticut, which seems a bit unfair to the Tampa-based Bulls...

During the next week, Army/Navy analysis, Bowl Previews, and some coaching commentary. Stay tuned for partial excitement!

Saturday in Review 11/28/09

Another wonderful day of college football. This week we concluded the regular season for, like, 90% of the teams, and got to see just how bad the ACC is...Shall we analyze? Yes, yes we shall.

Florida State-10, #1 Florida-37

In the first round of our "just how bad is the ACC?" poll, we get to see Florida State, formerly the pride of the conference. The Seminoles, however, have not been at the top of the ACC for a considerable period of time (specifically, from 2005-present). This season, they're a mediocre team in the twilight of their legendary coach's career, and it's a bit sad that this could be the final game of the Bobby Bowden era. (Well, the Imperial Potato Company Spud Bowl might be the final game of the Bowden era, but this was the last regular season game)

This game featured a mid-level team from a mediocre conference against a top-tier team from the best conference in the country. Plus, the good team was the home team. I don't think I need to describe why it was a blowout, nor do I need to elaborate on the gory details, especially after last week's epic post. Shall we move on? Yes, I believe we shall.

ACC-meter: Not that bad

#2 Alabama-26, Auburn-21

'Bama finally faces and passes a test on the road. Some might argue that LSU was a good test for the Tide, but I beg to differ, as LSU is showing its mediocrity with an increasing frequency, and the Tide played them at home.

Now, take note that I am not belittling Alabama at all here. They beat my team fair and square in a neutral site game. But does anyone else find it odd that 'Bama played only 4 true road games this season? The season opener with Virginia Tech, the SEC Championship, and whatever bowl the Tide go to are all neutral site games. Their road games were all in-conference, and we'll now take a tally of them: Kentucky (3-5 in conference), Ole Miss (4-4), Mississippi State (3-5), and Auburn (3-5). My point? Well, even if Alabama goes undefeated and wins the national title, they have done so without facing much road adversity.

This game was their toughest, and that is predominantly due to the weird "rivalry factor" that plagues my logical, practical, statistical mind to no end (more on that to come). I mean, this is the same Auburn team that lost to Kentucky at home earlier this year. As stated prior, I'm not bashing Alabama, as their non-conference schedule included a ranked team, something Texas and Florida were too scared to do. They just happened to have a good year during a season with no tough road games. That's a fact, not some weird bias. If Alabama wins a national title, they will have earned the right to do so by winning the SEC and by beating Texas (well, probably Texas) and that's fine. You, dear readers, merely deserved to know that luck does, in fact, factor in to these sort of things.

As for the game itself...'Bama had to make a comeback against an Auburn squad that gave the Crimson Tide everything they wanted. In fact, if Auburn could have completed some passes (and managed the clock a bit better) during their final drive, we might be looking at this as the top of the upset list. As is, we'll call it a day here, and eagerly await the SEC Championship like everyone else...

#3 Texas-49, Texas A&M-39

Further proof of the "rivalry factor." Texas A&M is a barely bowl-worthy school who's having a bad year in a bad conference. Texas is a national powerhouse that's been running over opponents with abandon. Put them together, and of course you get...

A 10 point ball game with loads of excitement and a whole bunch of points. Many analysts have talked about how well Colt McCoy did in this game, and it's hard to argue with that assessment. Still, you do have to take into account the fact that Texas sealed the game not on a pass or rush, but on a 95 yard kickoff return by Marquise Goodwin. Yes, I'm aware that even without this touchdown Texas is still up by 3, but one must consider the odds (however slim) that the A&M defense could have made a stop.

People are now calling for McCoy to get the Heisman, which is a sham. McCoy has one good game, Mark Ingram has one bad game, and now McCoy's getting an award that has stopped being "Most outstanding player" and more "Best Quarterback." Since the turn of the century one non-quarterback has won the award. That one? Reggie Bush, who had to have one of the best seasons by a running back in history in order to win the thing. McCoy is an excellent quarterback, and he should have a fine career in the NFL, but I do not think he's the "outstanding" player of the year. Know who's outstanding? The Oklahoma offensive line that made Landry Jones look good on Saturday. But we all know that no offensive linemen will ever (EVER) win the Heisman.

Furthermore, this sort of crap is so routine in the Big 12 that it's hardly worth noting anymore. Games of note are games where one or both teams score fewer than 30 points. This game was exciting, but it was not well played defensively. Good luck to the Longhorns against Nebraska's defense (good) and Alabama/Florida's defense (better) during their next two games. (NOTE: This is assuming they beat Nebraska. I know most of us think it's a foregone conclusion, but who remembers this game? (<-Handy link!) Nothing in college football is a foregone conclusion.)

New Mexico-10, #4 TCU-51

I believe I said something like this would happen last week. Lemme check. Yeah, I did. Read last week's post on TCU, then let's move on to something that's at least sort of interesting...

Illinois-36, #5 Cincinnati-49

It should be unsettling to any Big East fan (none of you who read this are, but you might know someone who is. Let's just roll with it...) that the best team in your conference beat the 9th worst team in the Big 10 + 1 by only 13 points at home. Cincinnati's defense has looked quite porous in the last few weeks, and their game against Pitt looms large. Cincy isn't a bad team, and they're definitely the pride of the Big East, but one must wonder just how good the Bearcats are. The good news is that they have beaten a team that could be the Pac-10 champion if all goes well next week. The bad news is that they play in a very weak conference and have the second worst schedule of any undefeated team (sorry, Boise). As stated previously, we have the de facto Big East championship game this week, and the winner of that one will be the lone Big East team in the BCS mix.

Nevada-33, #6 Boise State-44

This is as opportune a time as any to point something out. Years ago, back when I first started following college football, there were numerous complaints about how small schools never got any love and how the big teams had a conspiracy to keep schools like Boise State and TCU and BYU out of the mix.

Thankfully, those days are in the past. Unfortunately, now that some of those schools are actually good, truly big schools won't play them, and the small schools that have vaulted to the top of the rankings are now clogging up the Top 10 by slaughtering their conference foes. This is only bad because, well, some of these teams have business in the Top 10 (this year's TCU and potentially Boise, last year's Utah) and some of them do not (the 2007 Hawaii team).

If this were basketball (a sport I dislike, for the record) then this would not be a problem, because there's about 970 games per team in a basketball season. Plus, and stop me if you knew this already, those round-ball players have a little tournament thingy that they do at the end of each season. Thus, if a small school gets ranked #8, they can prove they deserved it by playing other schools from around the country during both the regular season and during a 64-team playoff.

Football, meanwhile, only has 12 games per regular season. 90% of the football factory schools out there take 3 of those games and play the weakest opponents they can find as a "warm up" or "tune up" or, if you're Alabama, a "late season snack." Then, these teams take one game a piece and play an in-state rival, even though they run a chance of losing that game and spoiling their pay day. It's a risk that some teams will, mark my words, stop taking soon. The other 8 games for all teams not named "Notre Dame," "Army," or "Navy" are then required conference games against foes that you play because they happen to be in a conference that was formed back when your football program consisted of 22 big, angry potato farmers. If your team does well enough (read: has as many wins as losses or better), you then get to go to a bowl against a team from another area of the country with a similar record to yours.

The result? (Links to history lessons in orange) Confusing situations where we have no clear-cut national champion, years where there are 3 undefeated teams but only 2 championship spots, years where a coach says something offhand and it gets blown out of proportion and his utterly undeserving team is declared co-national champions, and years where BYU wins the national title...

Why all the random ranting here? Well, it's kind of what I do. Plus, with Boise running the table against inferior competition and against an Oregon squad that had a new coach and was on the road, we might have a situation where another not-so-great team has arrived in the BCS. I believe we already know what the sensible solution to this problem is, but if you clicked any of those links above, then you know that "sense" has nothing to do with college football...

Oh, and Boise jumped out to a 20 point lead at home in the 1st quarter. I don't care who you are, if you spot the best team in your conference 20 points at home, you will not win the game, no matter how well you play the rest of the way. Consider yourself notified, Nevada.

Georgia-30, #7 Georgia Tech-24

And now for the second installment in the "just how bad is the ACC?" poll. This installment features the best team in the conference getting beaten by an SEC school with a .500 record. Not massacred or manhandled, but a loss is, as always, a loss. To make matters worse, this game featured the "rivalry factor" which we will discuss in the Oklahoma/Oklahoma State game (prepare for a long one down there...). Georgia Tech looked decent but not great, and Georgia played one heck of a game. Still, this game could have (indeed, SHOULD have) been won by Georgia Tech. Take note that I am not ripping officiating, nor am I belittling the fact that Georgia Tech defeated my team fair and square earlier in the season. Nope, this is an example of an offensive coordinator/head coach turning their backs on their team's dynamic.

What do I mean? Well, it was the 4th quarter, and Georgia Tech was down 30-24. They got the ball back after their defense finally managed to stop Georgia for once. Georgia misses a field goal, Yellow Jackets get the ball with 3:03 left and 2 timeouts remaining. Now everyone on the planet (as well as some people who are not on the planet) knows that Georgia Tech is an option team. They run the ball. It's what they do. They begin the drive normally enough: run for 3, run for 6, run for 0 (fumble! OK, GT recovers, no harm), timeout for panic purposes, and then on 4th down a run for 8. Georgia Tech now has the ball on the Georgia 46 with 1:50 left. It's not been pretty, but you still have the timeout, the clock stops while the chains are moving, and hey, if there's one play that you can run to the outside to stop the clock, it's the option, right? Heck, in a pinch, you can even throw the ball.

Now, let's look at Georgia Tech's next play calls. Remember, there's still almost 2 minutes left in the game:
1st down: Josh Nesbitt throws an incompletion towards Demaryius Thomas. OK, I understand, you want to catch the opposition off guard. Nice call, even if it didn't work.
2nd down: Josh Nesbitt throws an incompletion towards Stephen Hill. Ooookay, this one's a bit rough on the ol' cerebellum. Your last pass didn't work, and until this drive started you've thrown only 9 times the whole game. Now you've thrown 2 incompletions in a row, and you have to run the ball to the outside. It's the only way you'll have makeable yardage on 4th down...
3rd down: Josh Nesbitt throws an incompletion towards Anthony Allen, it is broken up by the Georgia defense. ...Or not. You could do something completely illogical, nearly get picked off, and force yourself to pass on 4th down. You know, since in the Virginia Tech game you completed as many passes to the opposition as you did to your own freakin' team. Yes, this is a great idea. Remember, the downfall of having a hyperspecific offense like the triple option is this: You're not going to be as good as a "normal" football team at the aspect of the game which you ignore. Other teams can pass 4 times in a row and probably complete one. You, however, are not "other teams." I think we all know where this is going...
4th down: Josh Nesbitt throws a pass to Demaryius Thomas who grasps it for a brief moment, then drops it. Well, that was fun. I'm sure several die-hards are blaming Thomas for this failure, and I will not deny that he should have caught the pass. But it was Paul Johnson and his playcalling that sunk the Yellow Jackets. Worse, since this little Ramblin' Train Wreck in Georgia Tech was the best team in the ACC this year, it sunk the conference along with it.

ACC-meter: Really freakin' bad

#9 Pittsburgh-16, West Virginia-19

The Backyard Brawl provides us with another shocker, this time with West Virginia dealing the upset. Further proof of the "rivalry factor." Still, you read a long one up there, and even with the Big 10 schools off this week, this has been a long post. Plus, there's more interesting stuff from this week, and I still hate the couch-burning psychopathic West Virginia fans who probably held a riot to celebrate the fact that they beat one of the even semi-decent teams in the worst automatic qualifying conference! Must be tough to be in Morganton, where all there is to do is drink moonshine, watch football, and marry your sister. Yeah, I'm a bigoted jerk. Shall we move on?

PS: Apologies to no one. I still hate you, West Virginia.

#12 Oklahoma State-0, Oklahoma-27

It was awful nice of Bob Stoops to get me this Christmas present so early. Thanks, Sooners! Allow me to repay you with a really random partial analysis of your rivalry game.

Now, let's look at Oklahoma State's schedule, followed by some really angry ranting. (You've been forewarned twice now, this is your last opportunity to read the review of the UVa/Tech game.) Oklahoma State has successfully beaten one ranked opponent this season: Georgia, in their first game. They then lost to Houston and then lost to Texas a few weeks later. Now, other than those 3 games, do you know who Oklahoma State played? They played Rice, Grambling, Texas A&M, Missouri, Baylor, Iowa State, Texas Tech, and Colorado. Of those teams, only Texas Tech and Missouri don't suck. Yet on ESPN and the Big 12 blogs, there was a whole lot of talk about Oklahoma State heading to the Fiesta Bowl as the Big 12's second team in the BCS! At their highest point after the loss to Houston, this team got to be ranked 12th in the BCS standings, yet they were considered realistic prospects for the BCS. Now that they've lost, know who's #12 in the nation? Virginia Tech. No one's talking about them going to the BCS, and rightfully so! The Hokies have 3 losses, and have no business whatsoever in one of the 5 premier bowls. Neither did this team, whose best win is over a 7-5 Georgia team that got its signature win this week!

To further beat this dead horse, have you heard of Jeff Sagarin? He comes up with computer formulas that weigh a team's record and schedule to give an interesting (and, as this link will show you, radically different) perspective on the Top 25. Take note of where our team in question is after this loss: 31st. Let's see who their best win is...#28 Georgia, then #30 Texas Tech. Then...#46 Missouri. (Truly random note: The Western Carolina Catamounts pull in at 189th. Sagarin rankings deal with all 1-A and 1-AA teams)

So, special thanks to the Oklahoma Sooners for keeping the Cowboys firmly out of the BCS and firmly in the hunt for the Overstock.com Over-Rated Bowl featuring Oklahoma State vs. LSU.

Since it was promised above, and since you've had every opportunity to skip this section, here's a lesson on the "rivalry factor." You see, rivalry games make sense in a geographic aspect, but not a mathematical one. In a simpler time, back when teams stayed local and played opponents based solely on location in-state or near-state (LSU, in a touching throwback, still schedules Tulane and UL-Lafayette based on these guidelines), these games were played annually and because of the similar backgrounds of players, they became heated contests. Familiarity, in football, breeds dislike. Especially when the same guy you stared down in high school is now staring you down in college. Or when the guy you hated because he drove an Escalade to high school lines up opposite you, wearing a uniform that is oddly the same color as his Escalade. But enough about Southern Cal, let's move downward...

Mathematically, rivalries defy logic. Oklahoma has been, in my opinion, better than Oklahoma State this whole season. But a 27 point beatdown defied my expectations. Georgia's oft-porous defense had no business stopping Georgia Tech repeatedly, but they did. NC State surely did not belong in the same stadium as UNC, yet they defeated the Tar Heels. These sort of games simply do not make sense from the standpoint of a casual observer. Random upsets are the product of the sheer number of teams and games, but rivalries provide close games and/or upsets year in and year out. I cannot, and will not, attempt to explain the statistical aberration that rivalry games represent. I will merely state that these weird little games are what makes college football so dang fun to watch. Oh, and to prove that there's exceptions to even the rivalry rule...

#14 Virginia Tech-42, Virginia-13

Now, understand that this game followed the rivalry rule for one half. At the half, it was 14-13, and anyone who was in our house at the time will recall that I was not a happy camper. (Side note: Hi, Mom!)

Virginia Tech, however, showed up in the second half, and their defense came to play as well. The turnaround happened with about 6 minutes left in the third quarter, when the Virginia Tech defense recovered a fumble and the offense drove it in under a minute later. Ryan Williams had one heck of a day, as did UVa's quarterback Jameel Sewell, who ran for a career high in this game.

The real story of the game, however, is that UVa's coach Al Groh got the axe pretty soon after the game. We're in coach firing season as it is, and Al's is just the first head to roll in what could be a very busy off-season for movers. At least Al went out with some class, reading a poem at his closing press conference, and walking out teary-eyed from the stadium he's coached in for 9 years. He'll be missed in the state of Virginia.

Virginia Tech won their 6th straight meeting with the Cavaliers, and that's enough to make me happy. Also, they probably clinched a ticket to the Chick-Fil-A bowl. I'd be shocked if they wound up elsewhere, though stranger things have happened...

Oh, and UVa., some free coaching advice here: Charlie Weis is available!

Arkansas-30, #15 LSU-33

LSU again looks underwhelming, this time at home against a team that is not very good. Once again, if Arkansas's kicker could hit the broadside of a barn, we'd have a very different final score than this one.

LSU's not that great this year, and their 3 losses merely cement that fact. Arkansas, however, is worse than LSU, and they'll be headed toward a nowhere bowl. Serves them right for hiring the 3rd most backstabbing coach in college football: Bobby Petrino. Have fun in Paducah, Kentucky!

#17 Miami-31, South Florida-10

Well, Miami was the lone ACC team to beat their non-conference opponent. That's the good news. The bad news is that their non-conference opponent was the mediocre USF Bulls, who have played no one and who have a 3-3 record in the worst AQ conference there is. Miami's not that bad, but they've struggled against good opponents this year, and this is one of the two games they've won convincingly on the road. In short, Miami's not back just yet, but they're a whole lot further along than Notre Dame and Michigan were. My point? This one doesn't move the needle on the ACC meter, especially not in light of our next game...

#18 Clemson-17, South Carolina-34

The final part in our "just how bad is the ACC?" poll features a matchup that features two teams from the desolate wastes of South Carolina (Charleston and Myrtle Beach notwithstanding, the place sucks).

I'm glad South Carolina won this game. Unfortunately, people who don't follow the ACC mistakenly believe that Clemson, because they're in the ACC Championship game, is one of the top two teams in the conference. This is simply not true, and even if the Tigers win the Championship game this week, then it's still not true. Clemson is in a weak division of a weak conference, and they benefited from not playing Virginia Tech or UNC. Plus, they beat a total of one ranked team: Miami. Clemson's not terrible, but they are not the 2nd best team in the ACC. That is a title that belongs to Virginia Tech for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons is the non-conference schedule, but I'll move on in the interest of saving you some time.

South Carolina, meanwhile, is a middle of the road SEC team, and they beat the Tigers in every facet of the game. Please, Clemson fans, do not mention CJ Spiller, as his run back was pretty much nullified by the fact that he gained a total of 18 yards as a running back, which is his primary position. This game made the ACC look bad, and it made the ACC Championship game a pretty big joke.

ACC-meter: Horrible. Not as bad as the Big East, but dangerously close.

#21 Utah-23, #19 BYU-26

Well, Utah is still a boring state. Know who's not boring? Max Hall, BYU's quarterback, who did the blog a service after the game by giving us this tasty quote: "I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything. It felt really good to send those guys home."

Judging from what's been said in his apology statement, his family (including his wife) were subjected to an awful lot of ridicule and torment by Utah fans last year. And you know what? I'm on his side. If you're a member of a religious sect that bans alcohol and you have beer thrown on you, I imagine that might be a bit of a big deal. At the Orange Bowl I was subjected to various taunts by Cincinnati fans who were apparently unaware that their team spent the last 3/4ths of the game losing. Fortunately I had a rather large friend of mine with me, so nothing was thrown our direction, but I can totally understand Max's angle.

People, as much as it may burst your horrific and drunken bubble, football is still just a game. If Southern Cal beat Virginia Tech by 57, the sun would still come up the next day. And I would curse the light and skip work, but my life would go on after a few days. Football fans, even rival fans, are people! And they deserve to be treated as such! Insult someone's quarterback, not his mother. Tell someone their defense sucks, don't pour beer on them. For crying out loud, if it takes a guy who writes 8 pages about football per week in his spare time to tell you this, then I, for once, am not the one with the problem! Let's move on...

UCLA-7, #20 Southern Cal-28

So, want to know how much of a jerk and hypocrite Pete Carroll is? Well, in this game, he called a timeout with about 50 seconds left so Matt Barkley could toss a 48 yard pass to score a touchdown. Great sportsmanship, Pete. Especially 2 weeks after you whined to anyone who would listen about Stanford going for two when up 27 points.

What did this gesture prove? Well, first off it proved that the Ketchup and Mustard prides itself on scores, rather than actual record. Given how far Southern Cal's fallen in the rankings, I guess they felt the need to show that they can still beat up on the 8th best team in their 10 team conference. Because, you know, that's meaningful. This touchdown was scored by starters, too. They didn't even bother with the gesture of mass subs. Maybe Southern Cal was trying to prove that they deserve to be ranked at all, since they were the only 7 win team in the country to be ranked in the top 25. For that, they can thank Jeff Sagarin's computers.

No matter how you slice it, this one was absolutely unnecessary, regardless of what Pete may have said after the game. Apparently no one ever taught the Silver Fox of Pasadena that actions speak louder than words. Hat tip to UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel who took the high road after the game. Here's hoping Arizona smashes Southern Cal this weekend.

Rice-14, #23 Houston-73

Houston boldly beats a 2-9 team by 59 points. At least they had the decency to put in their backups. Not that it mattered. The way Rice has done this year, I could have scored as Houston's QB.

#24 North Carolina-27, NC State-28

While not a part of our "how bad is the ACC?" poll, this game continues Carolina's bizarre trend of being unable to defeat awful teams. NC State's season realistically ended during the month of October when they failed to win a single game. Carolina, meanwhile, has beaten Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Boston College in Boston, and Miami at home. That's 3 of the better teams in the awful ACC. They also have a home loss to UVa, a massive blown lead against Florida State, and this head scratcher.

This one falls into the "rivalry factor" box, with NC State beating their in-state rivals to seal up a Tar Heel trek to the Meineke Car Care Bowl (No, I didn't make that one up). Good job by the Wolfpack of mustering just enough steam to beat the Tar Heels.

#25 Ole Miss-27, Mississippi State-41

I've already written, like, 8 posts on how Ole Miss didn't (and still doesn't) have any business being ranked. So, let's not dwell on that. Instead, let us briefly ponder how 41-27 looks far worse than it is. Seriously, that's just 14 points. It's just one of those scores that you look at and label a blowout, yet 28-14 is a respectable score, despite having the exact same difference between the winning team and losing team. Just something to ponder.

Now, let's briefly ponder the Bottom 95...

Wow, this week passed last week for length. I think I'm becoming a legitimate writer, a hermit, or both...Rutgers beat Louisville, thus showing that they can beat at least one of the two worst teams in their horrifically bad conference...Nebraska edged Colorado in a game that was nothing more than a warm-up for the Huskers and a send-off for the Buffaloes. The only reason that's scary? Nebraska only won by 8. They play Texas this week...Wake Forest beat Duke, meaning the Devils will not be going bowling this season...UConn sealed up bowl eligibility with a win over Syracuse. Great job, Huskies!...Missouri beat Kansas in a game that, two years ago, was for the Big 12 North Title. This year it just proved who the bigger disappointment was, with Kansas losing in the final seconds after a safety and a field goal. Enjoy the offseason, Coach Mangino!...Tennessee kept its 25-year win streak over the Kentucky Wildcats alive and well...Hawaii beat Navy, though I'm not sure you care...Oh, and Charlie Weis reinforced the already concrete fact that he's going to get canned. Notre Dame lost to Stanford by 7 in a symbolically appropriate end to the Weis Era...Coaching tip for Notre Dame: Al Groh's available!

Whew. That's all I wrote. You know, until later.