Rick Reilly Redux

Sorry for not posting, but if you look at the title of the blog, technically I'm off the hook until September-ish (Florida DB arrests notwithstanding)

Now...on to an article review from our friends at ESPN...Yes, I (as a baseball fan) am being baited

Still, let's go through this for some nuggets of stupidity:

We'll put in a pitch clock.

Yes. This is a great way to shorten games. Except the rapid-fire pitches will be less well-placed, leading to more hits, and thus EXTENDING the game. Or we'll end up with pitchers forcing pitches, and getting hurt. Either way, this measure is nothing short of utterly stupid.

Oh, and this brilliant idea isn't given a corresponding penalty. What do you do when your pitch clock is violated? My suggestion is simple: kill the pitcher. Murder that slow-pitching sonofagun. He deserves it.

Reilly's second point ("Players must sign autographs") I'm totally fine with. It hurt me to write that. Let's keep going.

3) We'll bring in Olympic testing. Saying "baseball players cheat" is like saying "wolves like hamburger." In the Small-Balls (Blogger's note: This is not funny) era, nobody -- not the players, not the owners, not the writers -- tried to stop it.

I think I've said this before. If I haven't, lemme say it now: Steroids are NOT a baseball-only problem. The NFL had this problem. Freakin' cycling has almost been ruined by it. There are GOLFERS who were juicing! Why on Earth are we still harping on this like baseball is the only sport where players tried to give themselves an unfair advantage?! Jeez. Let's keep moving on...

4) If you're 0-for-4, the crowd picks your at-bat music. Is it my fault if they choose "Nothing From Nothing" by Billy Preston?

Oooo. An obscure reference to a song from 1974. Clever?

5) The National League will get the DH. No more pitchers swinging a bat at a ball the way Paris Hilton swings a shovel at a moth.

No. No no no. You, Mr. Reilly, are one of those idiots who is RESPONSIBLE for the "Small-Balls" (your words, not mine) era. Because you mistake high scores for excitement. While it's a sabermatrician's nightmare, the sac bunt is still exciting. There's strategy in 1-1 games where you have to decide to pull or leave in a pitcher when he comes up to bat in the 7th. But no, let's get rid of that and replace it with one more homer every 3 games. Great idea...

6) We'll fine more players. The NFL fines guys $5,000 for not having their socks right. Nuggets forward Kenyon Martin got a $25,000 fine for shoving a guy. But often, Selig yawns when pitchers throw 95 mph retaliation beanballs. You want to brain a guy just because he stood in the box after his moon shot? Okay. We'll fine you until your kids end up in public school.

OK, yeah, you shouldn't throw at peoples' heads. Given. And the No-Fun-League fines people for uni violations. Also true. So are you going to fine baseball players for straight billed caps? Different sock types? Sure, my argument against this is flimsy, but so is his. Let's move on. My bad.

Point 7 is valid (and actually should be in place, since rainouts need to be the umpires domain)

8) Balls that hit the foul pole are foul. Duh.

Stop. The pole's an indicator of where "foul" is. So cut out your ignorance please.

9) A prospect won't be allowed to enter an MLB farm system until he's the age of a college sophomore, just like in the NBA.

*sigh* Look. The NBA is not the end-all be-all model of a sports agency. Many good baseball players don't speak the English language, but you expect them to go to a 4 year university and FURTHER cheapen the college experience. Colleges don't have unlimited scholarships, and the scholarships given to people like Derrick Rose take away from students who'll legitimately add to a university.

Schools shouldn't let people who don't meet academic standards into school. Frankly, that system needs an overhaul anyway, without adding a host of new illigetimate "students" to the mixer.

As for the "age" bit, that's a travesty too. If you're 16, don't speak English, but wind up in the US because you have 98 mph heat, then you should be able to play. What good will 3 years here do you if you can't play college or minor league baseball? It's just a thought.

Point 10 is typical Reilly sarcastic nonsense. Every sporting event features "that *%$& idiot on his phone during the game." Get over it. And fire yourself, Rick.